


The Reality of Illusion

by charlottesweb



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series, star - Fandom
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-23
Updated: 2014-10-14
Packaged: 2018-02-05 23:21:37
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 18
Words: 36,275
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1835914
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/charlottesweb/pseuds/charlottesweb
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Kirk's present mission is to investigate the disappearance of a Vulcan Science team. However, the mission takes a backseat as Kirk begins to fear an evil presence is stalking him. As Kirk's mental stability becomes worse he finally goes to see Dr. McCoy. However, before the results are back from Kirk's exam the Enterprise is forced into orbit around the planet where the Vulcans vanished. Kirk and the away team beam down, yet there is no sign of life, only a barren planet, which terrifies Kirk. Back on the Enterprise Kirk's brain scans reveal that he is going insane, but before the information reaches the landing party, Kirk vanishes leaving no clues behind.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Please note I have made a youtube video to go with this story, here is the link  
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vJm87_oxty0&feature=youtu.be

Prologue

Kirk pulled at the leather straps that held him. Exhausted from the effort he then tried to focus his eyes on his surroundings. He appeared to be lying on a stone slab in some sort of hospital. Screaming with frustration, he reassured himself that he was James T. Kirk-captain of the star-ship Enterprise. It was then that the most unbearable pain he had ever known exploded through his body.

Doctor Leonard McCoy shook the woman in front of him. He was exasperated.

“Damn it, Lieutenant, can’t you remember anything about the Captain’s disappearance?”

With effort Lieutenant Nivka tried to compose herself. “I’ve already told you what I remember, Doctor.”

“You Geologists are all alike you all have rocks for brains.” McCoy grumbled.

Mr. Spock was standing nearby and arched an alien eyebrow. “Doctor McCoy it is illogical to think that Lieutenant Nivka…”

McCoy turned to face Spock. “Damn you, Spock, don’t you even care about the Captain?”

“Really Doctor, it is illogical to assume that I do not care about the Captain’s welfare.”

McCoy glared at Spock and Lieutenant Nivka, then stormed out of the room. Spock arched an eyebrow at McCoy’s retreating figure. He opened his mouth to say something, then suddenly collapsed. McCoy and Lientenant Nivka rushed to his side.

“Spock, are you alright?” McCoy asked as he supported Spock’s head.

Spock leaned forward, clutching his head in his hands. “Doctor, I just felt the most unbearable pain I have ever endured.”

McCoy helped Spock to a standing position.”I’d better get you to sick bay.”

Spock shook his head. “It will not be necessary, Doctor. It was not my pain. It was the Captain’s.”

Chapter 1

Captain’s log 4829.1

The Enterprise is currently investigating the disappearance of a Vulcan Science vessel, which disappeared in a relatively uncharted sector of space. The Vulcans were conducting research on a class M planet, in which the inhabitants had vanished centuries ago, and now the Vulcan Team has also vanished into thin air.

Kirk sighed as he cut off the transmission. He was tired. The Enterprise had been scheduled for shore leave when star-fleet informed him of the emergency. So far nothing was happening. No distress calls, nothing. It was as if the Vulcan research team never existed, or the planet for that matter. Kirk sighed again. He hated mysteries.

Kirk looked around his office in disgust. This place is a mess. Kirk exhaled as he swirled his chair around and threw a stylus in the air. After catching the stylus he reviewed his schedule. He was supposed to see Lieutenant Nivka any minute. As if in answer to his thoughts, his door buzzer sounded.

“Come,” Kirk said as he threw the stylus in the air for one more catch. The stylus clattered to the floor when he caught sight of the woman that stood in the doorway. She was small and slender. But it was her face that caught his attention. Edith. She looked just like Edith. Her hair was blonde instead of brown; however, she had the same high cheek-bones and violet-blue eyes as Edith. Kirk stared. He had to restrain himself from calling out Edith’s name.

“Captain?”

“Oh…a…yes I’m sorry for staring like that, but you look like someone I knew a long time ago.” Kirk grinned.

Her face remained expressionless. “I am Lieutenant Nivka, sir.”

Kirk cleared his throat. “Well, Lieutenant I was reviewing your records and they are quite impressive.” Kirk paused trying to think of something else to say. When an awkward silence started to fill the room, Kirk cleared his throat. “Well, that’s all for now Lieutenant, welcome aboard the Enterprise.”

Lieutenant Nivka seemed to stare right through Kirk. “Yes sir, thank you sir.”

Kirk’s curiosity suddenly got the better of him. He felt annoyed at the way she had intimidated him. “Maybe she’s just nervous,” Kirk thought. He leaned forward. “Ah Lieutenant, just one more thing, you don’t have pointed ears do you?”

Lieutenant Nivka leaned her head to the side. “Sir?”

Kirk laughed. “Your stoicism reminds me of my Vulcan first officer, Spock. Relax, Lieutenant. I know it’s your first deep space mission, however, you must remember that we’ve all had a first deep-space mission.

For the first time Lieutenant Nivka smiled. “Of course, Captain, thank you,sir.”

Kirk burst out laughing as soon as the doors clicked shut. “I acted like a school boy,” he thought. “She must think I’m some sort of lecher.” Kirk felt an ache in his throat as painful memories assailed him. Would he ever forget Edith?

McCoy sat in a corner of the officer’s mess with Spock. They ate their lunch in silence. McCoy hardly noticed what he ate as he crammed the food in his mouth. He was worried about the Captain. Their last mission had been hard on Jim. Their head geologist had been killed. Like any good Captain, Jim always felt responsible when a crewmember died in the line of duty. McCoy glanced over at Spock. He always felt that the Vulcan knew what he was thinking. He scowled. “Spock, don’t stare at me like that. It gives me the creeps.”

Spock raised an incredulous eyebrow. “Doctor, I was not staring at you. I was deep in thought.”

McCoy snorted. “I’m sure you were.”

They both fell silent as Kirk listlessly approached them. “Good afternoon, Spock, Bones.” Kirk smiled, yet his eyes had a faraway look as he spoke.

“Jim, is there something bothering you?” McCoy asked with concern.

“No, Bones, I’m fine,” Kirk snapped.

McCoy opened his mouth to protest, but changed his mind when he saw the look on Kirk’s face. Suddenly Kirk’s eyes focused on a woman across the room. Without a word he left the table and crossed the room in a couple of strides. Kirk hesitated as he stood before Lieutenant Nivka. “Lieutenant?” Kirk asked softly. She turned towards him, and Kirk was again struck by her resemblance to Edith. Kirk cleared his throat. “Lieutenant, I was wondering if you would join me for lunch. I need to brief you on your duties.”

Lieutenant Nivka raised an eyebrow in surprise. “I’ve already had lunch, Captain, and I’m well aware of my duties, sir.”

Kirk gave her a charming smile. “Well, come meet my First Officer Spock, and ship’s Head Surgeon Doctor Leonard McCoy.”

Lieutenant Nivka appraised Kirk coolly. “I have already met Mr. Spock; however, I have not met Doctor McCoy.”

Kirk smiled again as he propelled Lieutenant Nivka across the room to where McCoy and Spock were sitting. “Lieutenant Nivka may I present Doctor McCoy, ship’s Head Surgeon and I believe you have already met Mr. Spock “Spock nodded politely.

McCoy looked up at lieutenant Nivka. He shivered. She looked just like Edith Keeler. “I’m pleased to meet you, Lieutenant,” McCoy smiled.

Lieutenant Nivka did not return the smile. “I am also pleased to meet you, Doctor.”

Kirk rubbed his hands together to break the uncomfortable silence which had arisen. “Lieutenant, have you had a tour of the ship, yet?”

Lieutenant Nivka shook her head. “No, I haven’t, Captain.”

Kirk’s eyes lit up. “Well, I have a few hours before I’m on duty, so I’ll show you around.”

Lieutenant Nivka looked slightly uncomfortable. “That’s quite alright, Captain. I don’t really think it’s proper.”

Kirk’s eyes widened. “Not proper. Why I’m the most proper person to show you around. I’m the Captain.”

Lieutenant Nivka shrugged. “Well, sir if you have nothing better to do.”

Kirk looked deep into her eyes and smiled. ”I can think of nothing better. Plus I need some relaxing company.”

McCoy glared after them as they left the room. “She’s about as relaxing as a rattlesnake.”

Spock arched an eyebrow. “Doctor, what does a rattlesnake have to do with …”

“Oh, never mind,” McCoy growled. “Spock, what do you think is wrong with Jim?”

Spock steepled his fingers in front of him. “Doctor, I think that Lieutenant Nivka’s resemblance to Edith Keeler is part of the Captain’s problem.”

McCoy’s eyes widened. “Well, Mr. Spock, that’s a brilliant deduction. I don’t think I could have figured that one out by myself.”

Spock ignored McCoy’s sarcasm. “The Captain is definitely not himself.”

McCoy and Spock exchanged uneasy glances as they look over at kirk’s untouched plate of food.

Lieutenant Nivka marveled at Kirk’s knowledge of every function aboard the Enterprise. She watched him as he walked down the halls of his majestic ship. Kirk seemed weary, yet his face was filled with the wonder of a small child. It was as if he were seeing the ship for the first time. Something about Kirk’s enthusiasm reminded Lieutenant Nivka’s fiancé Robert. She winced when she thought of the last time she had seen Robert. He had been exuberant, like Kirk. On the day he was killed Robert had seemed to have a premonition of his own death. Kirk had stopped talking, sensing her lack of attention. Kirk’s eyes locked with hers. They were bright with fear.

“Captain, are you alright?” Lieutenant Nivka asked.

Kirk leaned heavily against the wall; it was as if he were willing the Enterprise to give him strength and protection. He stood still for a moment, then grinned a sheepish smile. “I’m fine Lieutenant. I’m just a little tired.” Kirk pushed himself off the wall. “Let’s resume our tour, shall we?” Kirk laughed as the turbo-lift sped them on their way. “I must apologize for foisting myself on you, Lieutenant. Doctor McCoy has been trying to trap me into a medical exam for days, so I thought I’d offer you a tour and give him the slip.”

“Well, Captain, you do seem kind of pale and you didn’t eat your lunch, so maybe a medical would be prudent.”

Kirk held his hands over his ears. “Not you too,” he moaned. If you all keep this up I’ll have to surrender.”

Lieutenant Nivka smiled. “Maybe, you should surrender, Captain.”

Kirk smiled back. “Maybe I should.”  Kirk’s gaze from Lieutenant Nivka’s shifted away from her face as the turbo-lift came to a graceful stop. “Well, here we are, at the inner sanctum of the Enterprise, engineering”

The turbo lift doors opened with a swooshing sound. Lieutenant Nivka glanced around her in wonder as the engineering section hummed and pulsed It was definitely the life of the ship.

“Mister Scott,” Kirk barked.

“Aye, Captain, what can I do for you?” Scotty drawled.

Kirk smiled at his engineer’s enthusiasm. “Mister Scott, I was just showing our head geologist Lieutenant Nivka around. How would you like to continue the tour by showing her around engineering?

“Aye, lass it’s a pleasure to meet you,” Scotty said as he proudly took the Lieutenant’s arm.

Kirk chuckled to himself as he watched Scotty gesturing towards control panels like a proud mother hen. Kirk watched them a few moments, then let his mind drift. For the past few nights he hadn’t been sleeping well. Bizarre nightmares had plagued his dreams. Vividly Kirk recalled the dream he’d had the other night. Kirk stood in front of McCoy with blood running down his hands.

“Bones help me.” Kirk cried.

“Jim, I can’t. I can’t stop the blood.” Suddenly McCoy began to laugh. “It’s the blood of Edith. You let her die, Jim.”

Kirk grabbed a hold of McCoy. “Bones stop laughing and help me.” Kirk could feel his chest tightening in fear.

“Captain, are you alright?” Scotty’s voice was full of concern.

Kirk nodded absent mindedly. “Yes, Mister Scott, I’m fine. Come on Lieutenant I still have one more place to show you.”

Lieutenant Nivka turned towards Scotty and smiled. “Thank you for showing me around, Mister Scott.”

Scotty beamed. “It was a pleasure, lass.”

Kirk shook his head as they left engineering. “Scotty, watches over those engines as if they were his children.”

Lieutenant Nivka smiled. “He’s very charming.”

Kirk pretended to be shocked. “Lieutenant, don’t tell me you’re susceptible to the highland brogue?”

Lieutenant Nivka paused, then laughed as they entered the turbo-lift. “Well, Captain, where’s our next destination?

Kirk smiled. “Have you been to the botanical gardens yet?

Lieutenant Nivka shook her head. “I haven’t had time.”

“Then you are in for a real treat.” Kirk said as the turbo-lift hummed to a stop. Kirk put his hand on Lieutenant Nivka’s arm. “You must close your eyes, Lieutenant.”

Lieutenant hesitated, then obediently closed her eyes. Kirk laughed as he guided her along. Suddenly he stopped. “Alright, Lieutenant, you can open your eyes now.”

Lieutenant Nivka opened her eyes. There were beautiful plants and flowers everywhere. “It’s wonderful,” she gasped.

Kirk smiled at her reaction.” It is, isn’t it?”

“Yes, Captain, it is truly spectacular.”

Kirk watched her as she exclaimed at the beauty of the different flowers and plants. Looking down at his hands Kirk noticed a small stream of blood running down his index finger. His chest constricted in terror.

“Captain, what is it?” Lieutenant Nivka asked as she came to stand next to Kirk.

Kirk clasped both his hands behind his back to keep them from trembling. “Yes, I’m fine. I tried to pick a rose for you. I guess I cut myself.” Kirk held out his palm to inspect it.

Lieutenant Nivka smiled and shook her head. “You shouldn’t try to pick roses, Captain.”

Kirk grinned. “I guess some people never learn.” They stood silence each lost in their own thoughts. “Lieutenant, what is your first name?” Kirk asked softly.

Lieutenant Nivka turned around in surprise. “Captain, you read my records and you don’t remember?”

Even though she was joking, Kirk fought the rising panic that rose in his throat. He couldn’t even remember reading her file, but he must have.

Lieutenant Nivka laughed. “Don’t worry, Captain, I’m sure you’re just tired. By the way my name is Tatiana.”

Kirk cursed himself inwardly as his words rushed out like a blundering fool. “That’s Russian, isn’t it?” Kirk cringed. His voice sounded so loud and harsh.

Lieutenant Nivka didn’t seem to notice. “Yes, I was named after my Russian grandmother.”

Kirk smiled. “We’ll have to tell Ensign Chekov.” Kirk paused. “So, Tatiana, what made you decide to join Starfleet? There was such a long pause that Kirk thought that she wasn’t going to answer him.

Tatiana sighed. “My father died in space when I was a child. Later my fiancé was also killed on a diplomatic mission. I guess I became obsessed with the idea of working in space. So here I am.” She paused and looked up at Kirk. “I guess you probably wouldn’t understand.”

Kirk’s eyes were filled with pain. “Yes, I would. My brother Sam died on a colony. Sometimes I think there’s a mistake and that he’ll show up someplace. Deep in my heart I know he never will.” Kirk felt the familiar ache of grief welling up in his throat. “Lieutenant, do you know how many friends and lovers I’ve had to watch die? Many, I’ve seen more of my share of sacrifices all in the name of duty. It hurts and I find that the pain and guilt never go away.”

Lieutenant Nivka touched his arm. “I’m sorry, Captain.”

Kirk bent to retrieve the rose that lay at his feet. He gently twirled the stem in his fingers. “From fairest creatures we desire increase that thereby beauty’s rose might never die.”

“Shakespeare, Sonnet I?” Tatiana asked.

Kirk smiled. “Are you also a Shakespeare enthusiast Lieutenant?”

Tatiana nodded. “Yes, I am. Although it’s hard to find the old hard back volumes anymore, as most people just read the digital discs.”

Kirk shook his head ruefully. “I know and it’s a shame. I have some Shakespeare reproduction hardbacks. Would you like to borrow one?”

Tatiana smiled. “Oh, Captain, that would be wonderful.”

Kirk grinned at her enthusiasm. “I’ll have my yeoman bring a volume around to your quarters. Well, now that’s settled I’d better get back to the bridge. Thank you, Lieutenant for allowing me to steal you away for a tour.”

“Thank you, sir, it has been most interesting.” Without another word Tatiana turned and left.

Kirk slowly made his way to the bridge. Suddenly a wave of dizziness overcame him. Everything blurred out of focus as he sagged against the wall. An anxious crewmember rushed to his side. “Are you alright, Captain?”

Kirk straightened up slowly. “Yes, I’m fine.”

The crew member looked unconvinced. “Would you like me to escort you to sick-bay, sir?”

Kirk shook his head. “No, I’m fine.”

Carefully, Kirk made his way back to his quarters. Once he was inside the room began to spin. Kirk barely made it to his bed before he collapsed. When his door buzzer sounded, Kirk jumped.

“Come,” Kirk called out wearily.

Spock walked in. His presence exuded a calm, powerful energy. “Captain, you were due on the bridge ten minutes ago.”

Kirk chuckled. He didn’t want Spock to notice how bad he felt. “Spock, I was just going to inform you to take the con. I need to rest.”

Spock nodded his head in agreement. “Yes, Captain, I quite understand. Would you like me to send for Doctor McCoy?”

Kirk shook his head. “No, I just need to rest.”

Kirk must have dozed off, for he didn’t remember Spock leaving. He was alone in his quarters. Something evil lurked in the dark corner of his room. Kirk was terrified, as he buried his face in his pillow to keep from screaming. Finally he fell asleep and dreamed.

Kirk sat in a hay-loft with his brother, Sam and his best friend Mike.”

“You’re not afraid of the dark, are you?” Mike whispered.

“Of course not,” Kirk scoffed. Even though Sam was older he shivered closer to Kirk.

“That’s good because we could meet evil things out there. If you’re afraid they’ll know and they’ll rip your heart out. Are you both ready?”

Kirk and Sam nodded their heads in unison.

“Then let’s go “Mike announced with an exaggerated chill in his voice.

As they made their way out of the hay-loft, Kirk’s heart was pounding. The normal chirping of the crickets sounded sinister. The thick, humid air seemed to harbor more than just innocent insects.

Suddenly, Mike stopped and faced Kirk. “Where’s Sam?” He asked.

Kirk looked around him somehow knowing that Sam wouldn’t be there. Mike vanished and McCoy knelt in front of Kirk. Kirk watched in horror as McCoy’s eyes met his. “I’m sorry, Jim. Your brother is dead.”

Kirk looked sown at his hands. They were covered with blood. Kirk screamed.

 

 

 

 

:

 


	2. Love and Insanity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The room seemed strangely quiet, as Kirk lay in bed, listening to the sounds of his ship. He smiled. For hundreds of years captains had lain awake listening to the sounds of their ships. Kirk was proud to be one of them. Suddenly an evil presence invaded Kirk’s sense of security. “Who or what are you?” He whispered aloud in the empty room. There was no answer. With a quick circular motion Kirk curled up in the corner of his bed. His muscles tightened in fear. “I am going insane, and there’s nothing I can do about it.” Kirk thought as he shivered under the blankets.

Chapter 2

Kirk sat up in bed trying to forget the dream he’s had a few nights ago. He sighed. The last few evenings had been hell. He had dreamed of his brother Sam. Sam and his wife had died on the Deneva Colony. The Enterprise had gotten there too late to save them. Sam was dead when they arrived. Sam’s wife had died in agony a few hours later. Their son Peter had barely survived. Kirk shut his eyes trying to erase the look on Peter’s face when he’d been told of his parent’s death.  Kirk had felt guilty. Perhaps, if he’d pushed the Enterprise a little harder…He let his thoughts trail off. Kirk knew he had done his best; however, it didn’t stop the guilt from eating him up. It was that damn dream that was bringing all this to the surface again. Kirk curled up in a fetal position as he tried to fight the waves of nausea that assailed him. He had just about drifted off to sleep when his door buzzer sounded.

“Come,” Kirk snapped. It was probably Bones with some good old country doctor advice.

As the door swished open, Kirk could see Lieutenant Nivka’s silhouette as she hesitatingly stood at the entrance of Kirk’s cabin. “Hello, Captain I just thought I’d return the book you loaned me last week, it was very good and I enjoyed reading a hardcopy. There is nothing like the feel of a book in one’s hands.”

Kirk self-consciously ran his fingers through his disheveled hair. “Well, thank you Lieutenant, I’m glad you enjoyed it.”

Lieutenant Nivka fidgeted towards the doorway. “Sorry to trouble you, Captain. I’ll go and let you get your rest now.”  

Kirk took her arm. “No, please don’t leave,” he pleaded.

Lieutenant Nivka noticed that Kirk’s hands were shaking. Instinctively she reached out to steady them. Captain, you should really go to sick-bay.”

Kirk shook his head. “I’m fine. I just haven’t been sleeping well, that’s all. I keep having troubling dreams.” Kirk smiled looked off in the distance and laughed. “I must be exhausted to lay my problems off on you like that. You must think your Captain is crazy.”

Lieutenant Nivka stared back at Kirk, her blue eyes held a sad faraway look.  “Captain, it’s okay. Just because you’re the Captain doesn’t mean you don’t need a rest once in a while. Just the same maybe you should talk to Doctor McCoy; your sleeplessness could be a symptom of something serious.”

Kirk yawned. “I’ll talk to him tomorrow.”

Lieutenant Nivka turned and walked towards the door. “Get some rest, Captain.”

Kirk didn’t want to sleep for fear the dreams would come back. “Lieutenant, please don’t go,” he pleaded. “Pull up a chair and pretend that I’m not a star-ship Captain.”

Lieutenant Nivka laughed. “A few days ago I thought you were crazy, now I’m sure of it.” She studied Kirk’s face intently. “I’m sorry I was cold to you. You kind of remind me of someone from my past and I guess it unnerved me. Captain, I guess you unnerve me.”

Kirk gently took Lieutenant Nivka’s hands in his own. “Don’t ever be embarrassed because someone brings back memories of a person that is no longer in your life. After all, you remind me of someone I once knew. In fact the resemblance is uncanny.”

Lieutenant Nivka sat down in Kirk’s desk chair. “You remind me of Robert. He was energetic, competitive, and optimistic. I miss him. How am I like the woman you knew?”

Kirk’s eyes glazed over. “Her name was Edith Keeler. She looked like you, the same violet-blue eyes, the same high cheekbones; you could be her twin sister. When I first saw you, I thought at first that she hadn’t died and that by some miracle Edith had come back into my life.”

For a moment they sat in silence, engulfed in their misery and loss. For the first time Lieutenant Nivka noticed that music was playing in the background. “What music is this, Captain?”

Kirk smiled. “I heard in old Chicago. It’s a love song from the 1930’s.”

“It’s very lovely. I can just see couples dancing to the music.” Lieutenant Nivka smiled at the image she had created in her mind.

“Lieutenant, would you like to dance?” Kirk said as he bowed over Lieutenant’s hand.

Lieutenant Nivka laughed. “Sure, why not?”

They slowly swayed to the haunting melody, savoring each other’s company Kirk stopped and held Lieutenant Nivka at arm’s length.

“I’ve haven’t felt this way in a long time,” Kirk whispered.

Lieutenant Nivka slid her arms around Kirk’s waist. “Neither have I, Captain.”

Kirk moved closer and pressed his lips against Lieutenant Nivka’s ear, his warm breath tickled her ear like a butterfly, gently fluttering its wings. “Call me Jim for tonight.”

Lieutenant Nivka molded her body into Kirk’s embrace. “You’ll always be Captain, but for tonight I’ll call you Jim.” She then leaned up and gingerly kissed him on the lips. Kirk met her lips and then gently his tongue found its way into her mouth. Kirk felt his nerve endings were on fire as Lieutenant Nivka’s tongue hungrily sought out the inside of Kirk’s mouth.

Kirk was already pulling Lieutenant Nivka into to him. He moved his hands down towards her lower back and pushed her hips closer to his pelvis. Lieutenant Nivka led Jim to the bed. She desperately clawed at his shirt to get it off. Kirk moaned as she ran her hands over his bare chest. Kirk fit his body in between her legs and then stopped. They were both panting.

“Lieutenant Nivka, we can’t do this, it’s not right. I’m your Captain, and it breaks every rule in the book for a Captain to sleep with a Junior Officer.”

Lieutenant Nivka grabbed at Kirk’s waist. “Jim, I don’t care. Break all the rules and take me.”

Kirk smiled and ran his hands over Lieutenant Nivka’s body. “Tatiana,” he breathed. Kirk felt his loneliness dissipate as he and Lieutenant Nivka gave way to their physical needs. Once spent, Kirk and Lieutenant Nivka fell asleep in each other’s arms.

When Kirk woke up Lieutenant Nivka was gone. The room seemed strangely quiet, as Kirk lay in bed, listening to the sounds of his ship. He smiled. For hundreds of years captains had lain awake listening to the sounds of their ships. Kirk was proud to be one of them. Suddenly an evil presence invaded Kirk’s sense of security. “Who or what are you?” He whispered aloud in the empty room. There was no answer. With a quick circular motion Kirk curled up in the corner of his bed. His muscles tightened in fear. “I am going insane, and there’s nothing I can do about it.” Kirk thought as he shivered under the blankets.

 

 

  


	3. Growing Insantity

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Suddenly Lieutenant Nivka felt a tingling down her spine. She shivered. It felt as if someone or something was probing her innermost thoughts. Kirk sank to the ground with his hands to his head. Lieutenant Nivka held her hands over her ears as a shrill whining sound filled the air. Suddenly a blinding blue light engulfed Kirk. Lieutenant Nivka rose up just in time to see Kirk vanish. In a useless gesture she flipped open her communicator and called for help

Chapter 3

Kirk slowly opened his eyes and smiled, the terror of last night was forgotten in a euphoric rush. “Today was going to marvelous and I’m twenty minutes ahead of schedule,” Kirk thought as he bounded out of bed and headed for the shower. Kirk sat at his desk chair getting dressed. God, it felt good to be alive. When his door chime sounded Kirk smiled. “Come in,” he called.

Lieutenant Nivka stood hesitantly in the doorway. Kirk ran forward and grabbed her by the shoulders “Get in here, “he laughed.

 Lieutenant Nivka smoothed back the wet strands of hair that hung in Kirk’s eyes.

Kirk grinned as he slipped his arms around her waist. “I’ve got to be on the bridge in ten minutes, so I have to get going.” Kirk’s expression was full of regret.

Lieutenant Nivka smothered a smile. “Captain, hadn’t you better put on a shirt first?”

Kirk looked at his bare chest in surprise. “Well, I guess I’d better. On second thought I don’t think I’ll go to my post today. I think I’ll resign.”

Lieutenant Nivka laughed until she realized Kirk wasn’t joking. “Jim, perhaps you’d better go see Doctor McCoy.”

Kirk sighed as he slipped his shirt on. “Why on earth would I want to do such a morbid thing? Now Lieutenant, your orders are to stay here with me. To hell with duty, let’s have some fun.” Kirk laughed as he began kiss Lieutenant Nivka’s neck.

Lieutenant Nivka pulled away from Kirk’s grasp. “Captain, have you been drinking?”

Kirk pretended to be shocked. “Why Lieutenant, I’m hurt that you would think such a thing about your Captain.” He grinned as he pulled her to him. “Would you like to smell my breath?” Kirk asked softly as he began to kiss her neck again.

Lieutenant Nivka pulled away again. “I’ve got to go, Captain. We’ll talk later.”

Kirk’s smile faded. “What do you mean?” He asked slowly.

Lieutenant Nivka looked away. “Jim, I think it’s better if we both forget about last night.”

Kirk gave her a menacing glare. “Do you think that last night meant nothing to me? Do you think I just consider you to be just a one night stand? Tatiana, I can’t promise what the future holds for us, however, I trust you and that means a lot to me. Doesn’t it mean anything to you?” Kirk then grabbed Lieutenant Nivka by the shoulders and shook her. “Doesn’t it?” He shouted.

Lieutenant Nivka put her hands on Kirk’s taunt, angry arms. “Captain, you’re confused. Something else must be bothering you. We are two mature people and …” Her voice trailed off into a miserable silence.

Kirk angrily crossed the room and pummeled his first against the mirror which hung above his dresser. He glared at Lieutenant Nivka. “That wasn’t mature, was it?” Kirk paused and his voice lowered to a dangerous level. “You know what I think Lieutenant? I think you’ve spent too much time on Vulcan. Perhaps you should run into the arms of my first officer, Spock. He’s very mature.”

Lieutenant Nivka turned to leave.

“That’s right Lieutenant, leave and take your damn Vulcan logic with you.” Kirk shouted.

Lieutenant Nivka stumbled out of the room, and almost ran into Spock. Spock stared after her.

“Captain?” Spock asked with hesitation.

Kirk stood before the shattered mirror. He watched the rivulets of blood as they ran down his hands.

“Captain, are you alright? Jim?” Spock asked as he took a step nearer to Kirk.

Kirk turned sharply around to see Spock standing close to him. He held up his bloody hands. “Does it look like I’m alright, Mr. Spock?”

Spock calmly examined one of Kirk’s hands. The cuts were only surface ones. Kirk leaned against the wall as the room began spinning around. He took a deep breath as the dizziness and nausea subsided.

Spock studied Kirk intently. “Captain, your immediate presence is required on the bridge however,…” Spock’s voice trailed off uncertainly.

Kirk straightened up. “How come you didn’t notify me earlier?” For a moment Kirk thought that Spock was going to shrug his shoulders and say,”I didn’t want to, Jim.”

Spock’s voice was firm. “Captain, Lieutenant Uhura couldn’t raise you in your quarters, so I…”

Kirk finished the sentence for him. “So you thought you’d check up on me. Well, Mr. Spock, let’s stop by sick-bay, I seem to have cut my hands.”

McCoy looked at Kirk as he bandaged his hands. He didn’t like what he saw. Sensing anxiety, Spock glanced over at McCoy. The Vulcan’s eyes met the Doctor’s, revealing an intense turmoil. The room echoed with an empty silence.

“Jim, would you mind telling me how you did this? Wait a minute; let me guess you cut yourself shaving.” McCoy smiled trying to lighten the heavy atmosphere.

Kirk ignored McCoy as he stared down at his hands. “Will all great Neptune’s ocean wash this blood clean from my hand?”

McCoy frowned. “What’s that, Jim?”

Spock cocked his head to one side. “That was Macbeth Act II, Scene II, Doctor.”

Kirk ignored them both. Sheer terror filled his eyes. Kirk swallowed. “Bones, perhaps we should talk.”

McCoy listened with a sense of growing alarm as Kirk told him about the nausea, blurring of vision, tingling down his spine, and worst of all the nightmares. McCoy smiled at Kirk with a reassurance he didn’t feel.

“Well, Jim, it sounds as if you’re just tired. I’ll do a quick brain scan and some liver tests.”

McCoy ran a small whirling device over Kirk, frowning as he did so. He laid a hand on Kirk’s arm. “Relax, Jim I’ll know the results when…”McCoy’s next words were drowned out by the shrill sound of a red-alert.

Kirk hopped off the bed, his old energy seemly resumed. Ignoring McCoy, Kirk ran to a turbo-lift where Spock was already waiting.

McCoy hastily thrust a data disc into a startled Nurse Chapel’s hand. “Get, Doctor M’Benga to analyze and notify me immediately with the results.” Without another word McCoy ran off into the direction Kirk and Spock had taken.  

Kirk and Spock entered the bridge and as always their steps were perfectly synchronized.

“Report, Mr. Sulu, “Kirk barked.

“Sir, we’re being forced into standard orbit around the planet.” He paused as he glanced up at Kirk’s stern expression. “We can’t override, sir.”

Kirk frowned. “Has the Vulcan Geological Survey Team been contacted?”

Lieutenant Uhura turned to face Kirk. “There’s been no acknowledgement of our signal, sir.”

Spock spoke from his station. “There’s no sign of life on the planet’s surface. However, I am receiving a high energy reading from under the planet’s surface.”

Kirk nodded his head. Suddenly he felt a tingling down his spine. He saw himself on a desert ledge looking down into a giant abyss. Kirk strained his eyes. He wanted a closer look at what lay at the bottom. Kirk gasped. At the bottom of the abyss lay the bloody, crumpled body of Spock. He was dead.

“Captain, are you alright?” Spock asked with concern.

Kirk’s face was dead white. “Yes, Mr. Spock I’m fine.”

The bridge doors swooshed open admitting Doctor McCoy. He was clearly agitated. “Jim, you look awful. Are you alright?”

The terrified look faded out of Kirk’s eyes and was replaced with annoyance. “Yes, Bones, I’m fine,” Kirk snapped as he reached over and pushed a button on his console. “Kirk to engineering.”

“Aye, Scott here, sir.”

“Mr. Scott, prepare to beam down a landing party. Kirk out. Uhura contact Lieutenant Nivka and, Biologist Robert Troth, as well as a small security detail. Tell them to meet me in the transporter room on the double.”

Kirk turned towards Spock. “Spock, you have the con. Spock…” Kirk paused. “Take care of the Enterprise and yourself. Bones, you’re coming with me.” Kirk stole one last glance at Spock as the turbo-lift doors eased shut.

McCoy stared at Kirk with exasperation. “Jim, what was that all about? You sounded as if you’re not coming back.”

Kirk faced McCoy. “Bones, there’s some things I can tell you and some I can’t.” He put his hands on McCoy’s shoulders. “Please trust me, Bones. This feeling I have is more than just a hunch, and Bones under no circumstances is Spock to beam down to the planet’s surface. Do you understand?”

McCoy squinted at Kirk with a worried frown. “Jim, I don’t know what to think. You’ve been acting so strange lately. Until I see the results of your brain scan, I’m not even sure you should be beaming down at all.” McCoy had to strain to hear Kirk’s next words.

“Bones, please believe me.” Kirk whispered.

McCoy’s blue eyes searched Kirk’s hazel ones. Kirk’s expression was desperate.

“Alright, Jim I believe you. But I don’t like it I don’t like it a bit.”

Kirk smiled. “That’s more like it, Bones.”

Lieutenant Nivka hurried down the halls towards the transporter room. Just outside the doors she paused. This morning Lieutenant Nivka had been appalled by Kirk’s temperamental outburst. She couldn’t face him again. Sighing heavily she realized she must. Holding her head high Lieutenant Nivka took a deep breath and stepped into the transporter room.

Kirk turned as she entered. For a moment his eyes held a contrite message, then he blinked and his face resumed his command expression.

“Ah, there you are, Lieutenant. We’re beaming down to investigate the disappearance of the Vulcan survey team. I’m issuing a phaser and a communicator to every member of the landing party.”

As Lieutenant Nivka stepped on to the transporter platform, Kirk hissed into her ear. “We’ve got to talk.” He then turned to his chief engineer. “Energize, Mr. Scott.” Before Lieutenant Nivka could respond the sickening feel of the transporter overcame her.

The wind howled, blowing a thin dust across the planet’s surface. The atmosphere glowed with a reddish hue. McCoy shivered. There was something about this place that gave him the chills. He glanced over at Kirk. Kirk’s eyes were riveted at an abyss below them. McCoy frowned. He had never known Jim to be afraid of heights. Kirk turned around sharply and almost lost his balance. McCoy rushed forward.

“Where’s the security team?” Kirk snapped. He flipped open his communicator, ignoring McCoy’s concerned glance. “Scotty, where’s the security team?”

“Scott, here, sir. The transporter seems to be malfunctioning. I can’t beam anyone down and I can’t beam anyone up.”

Kirk swore as a loud burst of static cut off the transmission.

Doctor M’Benga studied the results of Kirk’s psychological profile. He sighed and called Spock down to sick-bay. Doctor M’Benga and Nurse Chapel were talking in muted whispers as Spock quietly entered the room. Doctor M’Benga came and stood beside Spock.

“Mr. Spock, I’m sorry I had to call you off the bridge. However, this is a medical emergency.”

Spock clasped his hands behind his back. “I had already surmised that the situation was critical, Doctor.”

Doctor M’Benga nodded, ignoring Spock’s sarcasm. “The results of the Captain’s psychological profile are most distressing. According to his last check-up he was fine. He showed normal amounts of stress for a starship Captain; however, according to his profile now, he’s unstable. His brain scan is showing abnormal stress patterns. In short, he’s capable of anything.”

Spock steepled his fingers in front of him, “Is there a possibility that the Captain could be under an alien influence?”

Doctor M’Benga frowned. “I didn’t rule out that possibility, however, no other crew members have shown any signs of nausea, nightmares, or blurring of vision. Mr. Spock,” Doctor M’Benga said gently, “the Captain must be beamed up immediately.”

For the first time Spock looked up from his concentrated pose. “Doctor, I’m afraid that is impossible.”

Kirk stood looking at his communicator with disgust. “Well, gentlemen, any ideas?”

Biologist Troth took a step forward. “I think we should spread out and investigate.”

Kirk cleared his throat. “Well, Ensign Troth that sounds like a plan. You and Doctor McCoy go and see if you can pin-point where the Vulcan Science team was last seen. Lieutenant Nivka and I will investigate some of the rock formations.”

McCoy’s eyes bulged. “Jim, you can’t be serious. With the transporter malfunctioning none us can be beamed up if we run into trouble. Without our communicators we can’t even contact the ship or each other. It’s just too dangerous.”

Kirk caressed his phaser casually. “Are you questioning my orders, Doctor?”

The movement was not lost on McCoy. He grinned. ‘I’m sorry, Jim. You know how I am when I get tense.” McCoy turned towards Biologist Troth. “Well, Troth, let’s get going. This place gives me the creeps.”

Kirk could hear McCoy’s distinct grumbling accompanied by a sympathetic Troth. Kirk grinned. “It looks as if our good Doctor has found an ally.” Kirk’s expression sobered as he turned towards Lieutenant Nivka. “Tatiana, I want to apologize for my outburst this morning.”

Lieutenant Nivka smiled. “Captain, there is no need to apologize. You’ve been under a great deal of strain, I understand.”

Kirk looked around to see if McCoy and Troth were out of earshot. He then playfully grabbed Lieutenant Nivka around the waist. “Tatiana, I’ve wanted to be with you all day.”

Lieutenant Nivka looked deep into Kirk’s eyes. They were full of warmth, yet underneath lay a growing insanity. She pulled away from Kirk’s grasp. “Captain, don’t you think we ought to start taking some readings?” Lieutenant Nivka switched on her tri-recorder and began scanning the rocks.

Kirk stood before her and then he took her in his arms and began to gently kiss her. “Tatiana, all work and no play makes a very dull Lieutenant.” Kirk took the tri-recorder out of her hands and tossed it into the sand. He held out his hands, then gasped. In his mind’s eye Kirk saw Spock’s dead body again. This time he had a closer look. Spock had been ripped apart by some terrible force. Kirk shuddered.

Lieutenant Nivka grasped Kirk’s trembling hands. “Captain, Jim, what’s wrong? Tell me what’s happening.”

Kirk spoke softly as if some evil presence might overhear him. “I keep seeing Spock’s death. His death…” Kirk paused and took a deep breath. “His death takes place on this planet. I know if he comes down here he will die.”

Lieutenant Nivka took Kirk in her arms. “It’s going to be alright,” she soothed. Kirk lay in her arms like a frightened child. Suddenly Lieutenant Nivka felt a tingling down her spine. She shivered. It felt as if someone or something was probing her innermost thoughts. Kirk sank to the ground with his hands to his head. Lieutenant Nivka held her hands over her ears as a shrill whining sound filled the air. Suddenly a blinding blue light engulfed Kirk. Lieutenant Nivka rose up just in time to see Kirk vanish. In a useless gesture she flipped open her communicator and called for help

McCoy turned his back on Kirk. It was something he had never feared doing, until now. He walked away grumbling with Biologist Troth. McCoy knew Kirk would expect this response. Once out of earshot McCoy grabbed Troth’s arm. “Try your communicator.”

Troth tried several frequencies. He was greeted by static each time. “It’s no use, Doctor. It’s out.”

McCoy wanted to swear. Instead he nodded curtly. “What a mess,” he thought. I’m down on a possibility hostile planet with an insane Captain.

Troth scanned the area with his tri-recorder. He frowned. “Doctor McCoy, my tri-recorder just registered a high energy reading. It’s coming from underground.”

The hairs on the back of McCoy’s neck stood on end as a high pitched scream filled the air. He ran in the direction of the sound, not noticing that his communicator had starting working again.

Lieutenant Nivka circled the place where Kirk had vanished. McCoy ran to her side. “Are you alright, Lieutenant?”

Lieutenant Nivka nodded in shock. McCoy looked around. Where was Jim? A growing fear spread through him. “Where’s the Captain?” McCoy asked softly.

Lieutenant Nivka’s eyes glazed over.”He…he vanished.”

McCoy, Nivka, and Troth looked down at the ground in dismay. They encompassed the place where Kirk’s communicator lay in the sand, wishing their futile motions could bring him back.

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4 Loyalty Conflict

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> McCoy grabbed Spock’s arm again. “You don’t actually mean you’re going to leave the Captain?”  
> Spock slipped his arm out of McCoy’s grasp. “Doctor, it would seem that we have no choice.”  
> “Spock,” McCoy whispered, “how can you do this?”  
> Spock swiveled around to face McCoy. “Doctor, if emergency assistance is not given to Avalon many innocent people will die. Perhaps, you had better go back to sick bay and review the principles of your medical oath.”  
> McCoy inhaled deeply, “Of course Mr. Spock, forgive me for my lack of compassion.” McCoy glanced back at Spock in disgust and then stormed off the bridge.

Chapter 4

McCoy sighed. Perhaps he had questioned Lieutenant Nivka too harshly. “I’m not myself,” McCoy thought as he reflected back on several occasions when he had been angry at Jim for questioning people too aggressively. “James T. Kirk,” McCoy thought, “Where are you?”

McCoy slammed his fist against the wall in frustration. He felt so helpless. There was more to Jim’s disappearance that met the eye. Whoever had kidnapped Jim appeared to be only interested in him. Romulans, perhaps, and where was the Vulcan Science Team?” The Enterprise had been in standard orbit almost twenty-four hours and there was still no news from star-fleet, or Jim’s kidnappers. McCoy sighed again, maybe Spock had some answers.

Spock stood in front of the computer terminal in his quarters. Its ghostly glow illuminated his angular, alien features. McCoy stared, transfixed. Spock looked like a Greek god at war against a silent, blue, turbulent, tempest. McCoy blinked and with that one motion, he shattered the poetic image.

“Spock,” McCoy rasped. For a moment it appeared as if Spock hadn’t heard him. McCoy peeked over Spock’s shoulder. “Spock,” McCoy shouted, “did you hear me?”

Spock observed McCoy with a detached air. “Yes, Doctor, I did hear you. It is hard not to when you raise your voice to such a jarring decibel level.”

McCoy craned his head forward like a turtle. “Alright, Spock I’m sorry. Have you found out anything yet?”

Spock turned away from McCoy’s hopeful face and took refuge in the computer’s complex world of computations. “I have found nothing of consequence, Doctor.” Spock paused. “There is obviously life on the planet, due to the fact that the brief energy readings on Troth’s tri-recorder indicated a concentrated force field that appears to act as a shield for some sort of life below the planet’s surface. If my surmise is correct about a force field, then there must be a way to deactivate it so that an individual can be transported to a particular location.”

McCoy’s eyes gleamed with excitement. “Like our transporter beam,” he exclaimed.

Spock cocked his head to the side. “I believe that is what I just said, Doctor.”

McCoy ignored Spock’s sarcasm and frowned thoughtfully, caressing his chin with his thumb and index finger. “Spock, you know what this sounds like, don’t you?”

Spock nodded in approval at McCoy’s logical speculation,” Yes, Doctor, it reminds me of the Talosions.”

McCoy spread his hands in an exasperated gesture. “Sounds like? Why the events are the same. The barren planet, the high energy readings from underneath the planet’s surface, it has to be all connected somehow.” McCoy paced and then stopped. “Maybe it’s the Romulans, or the Klingons, and they want the Captain as a hostage.”

Spock turned back to his computer immersing himself in his twilight world. “Doctor, these energy readings are far beyond the capabilities of the Federation, Romulans, or the Klingons. I have never encountered anything like them.” Spock’s voice trailed off as he gazed off into the distance. Something had broken his concentration.

McCoy grabbed Spock’s arm, ignoring the Vulcan protocol of not being touched. “Spock,” McCoy demanded. “What is it? What’s wrong?”

Spock gazed deep into McCoy’s eyes. “I just experienced the pain again. If the Captain has to endure this level of pain, he will soon be dead.”

McCoy’s worry and concern melted into an exasperated glare. “Spock, how do you know you’re not having a migraine?”

Spock looked at McCoy with an expression that merged between indignation and disbelief. “Doctor, Vulcans do not get migraines. Secondly, I have experienced the mind-meld with the Captain many times, which…”

McCoy cut off Spock’s sentence regretting he’s said anything at all. ”Oh, never mind, Spock. I don’t want to hear about the mind-melt again.”

Spock leaned his head to one side and arched an eyebrow. “The term is mind-meld, not mind-melt, Doctor.”

McCoy circled around Spock with his hands on his hips. “Mr. Spock, the term is irrelevant at this moment. The Captain’s mental condition wasn’t stable and he’s been missing for almost twenty-four hours.”

Spock stared at McCoy with a cold, icy glare. “It has been twenty-two hours and forty-six minutes and if the Captain had been restrained from beaming down, perhaps this whole situation could have been avoided.”

The reality of Spock’s words hit McCoy hard. “It’s all my fault, Spock. I should have never let him beam down.” The fire had gone out of McCoy’s voice. It had been quenched by Spock’s cold, hard logic. Any forth coming response by Spock was interrupted by Uhura’s melodic voice.

“Mr. Spock, I have a priority message from Federation Outpost, Avalon.”

Spock calmly pushed the intercom button. “Relay the message to my quarters, Lieutenant.”

Even over the intercom Uhura’s voice sounded tense. “Federation Outpost Avalon has been attacked by Klingons. The Enterprise is ordered to assist immediately. There are casualties, as well as minor injuries.” Uhura paused. “We are to leave a warning probe around the planet until the matter can be investigated further. Under no circumstances is anyone to beam down to the planet’s surface.”

Spock clasped his hands behind his back. “Is that all Lieutenant?”

Uhura’s reply was barely audible.”Yes, Sir.”

Spock swallowed. “Have the Bridge Crew stand by. I will be up in a moment. Spock out.”

Spock left the room and hurried towards the turbo-lift. McCoy huffed and puffed, straining to keep up with Spock, mentally cursing the Vulcan’s agility.

“Spock,” McCoy gasped.

Spock stepped gracefully into the turbo-lift as McCoy stumbled in beside him. “Spock,” McCoy growled.

Spock looked at McCoy as if he were a bothersome insect. He sighed, “Yes, Doctor, what is it?”

McCoy’s eyes bulged. “Spock, what are you going to do?”

Spock eyed the turbo-lift doors in long sufferance. “Doctor, I am going to give emergency assistance to Avalon.”

The doors to the turbo-lift slid open and Spock walked swiftly on to the bridge. Uhura turned as Spock and McCoy came into sight. Any other time she would have smothered a smile at the contrast between Spock’s placid dignity and McCoy’s ruffled emotionalism.

Spock surveyed the faces of the bridge crew. Some looked hopeful, other remained impassive. For a moment Spock felt suspended in time as conflict broiled inside of him. Never in his life had Spock wanted to disobey star-fleet more than now. However, Jim Kirk wasn’t the only one who needed the Enterprise. Spock’s next words were short and curt. They revealed none of his inner turmoil. “Mr. Checkov, plot in a course to Avalon.”

Checkov stared at Spock, hoping to see a sign of weakness, but Spock’s expression was hard and unyielding. Checkov lowered his eyes. “Yes, Sir,” he mumbled.

McCoy grabbed Spock’s arm again. “You don’t actually mean you’re going to leave the Captain?”

Spock slipped his arm out of McCoy’s grasp. “Doctor, it would seem that we have no choice.”

“Spock,” McCoy whispered, “how can you do this?”

Spock swiveled around to face McCoy. “Doctor, if emergency assistance is not given to Avalon many innocent people will die. Perhaps, you had better go back to sick bay and review the principles of your medical oath.”

McCoy inhaled deeply, “Of course Mr. Spock, forgive me for my lack of compassion.” McCoy glanced back at Spock in disgust and then stormed off the bridge.

Without a backwards glance, Spock calmly dispersed orders. “Lieutenant Uhura, notify Starfleet that we are on our way. Mr. Sulu, take us out of orbit. Ahead warp factor five.”

Sulu swallowed down the lump in his throat as his fingers flew gracefully over the controls on his console.

 

  


	5. If the Fates Allow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> McCoy silently motioned Nurse Chapel forward to administer a sedative to Robin. Before Robin could repeat another question, a hypo spray hissed into her arm. Without another word she slumped into McCoy’s arms. Two hologram photo spheres rolled out of her pocket and clattered to the floor. Spock bent forward to retrieve them. One was of a Vulcan and the other was of a young man and woman. Spock arched an eyebrow and quickly concealed the hologram spheres.

Robin knitted her brows together, as she forced herself to concentrate on the complex algorithm before her. Robin sighed and let her mind wander. For as long as she remembered she had lived on federation outpost Avalon. Robin glanced over at her Vulcan instructor as he bent over his computer terminal. Sensing her disturbance in concentration he glanced up.

“Robin, do you need to rest? I sometimes forget that you ae a human child not a Vulcan child.”

Robin smiled for she knew that he was complementing her. Sighing Robin propped her elbows up against her computer terminal. “I don’t need to rest, Saben. I was just thinking.”

Robin yawned, turned around and began giving the computer directions. Even if she got the problem solved today, Saben would only nod his head and say her work was adequate. Then he would just give her another project to work on. Robin had been in Saben’s custody for three years ever since her mother had died of Rigilean Space Fever. Robin had no other relations and so Saben had adopted her. They day the adoption papers were signed, Robin had felt so proud, for she knew it was an honor for a Vulcan to adopt any child, let alone a human one. Saben had helped Robin control her grief after her mother’s death. Robin recalled a particularly bad day. It was her birthday and for the first time it had hit Robin that she would never celebrate another birthday with her mother again and to make matters worse the kid’s taunts at school had been crueler than usual. She had cried all the way home that day. Robin recalled how she had tried not to cry in front of Saben.

Saben had taken Robin’s chin in his hand. “Robin, stop crying. You are different from most human children because your intelligence far surpasses theirs. Your intellect is something they do not understand and they are afraid of what they cannot understand. From now on you will not have time to play. I will keep you busy studying and perhaps one day you will be an adequate scientist.”

So, Robin began her studies with Saben and her life would never be the same. She worked long, grueling hours. Once in a while Robin had wistfully watched other children play, however, now she hardly knew other children existed. A shrilling alarm jolted Robin back to the present.

A frightened voice echoed over the intercom. “We’re under attack. This is not a drill. I repeat this is not a drill.”

A muffled explosion shook the lab. Only Saben’s steady calmness kept Robin from screaming as she ran to his side. Saben took Robin by the shoulders. “Robin, we have got to keep the life support systems going. Go to your terminal and re-rout networks A and B. You have got to move A and B drives to sub-directory Camelot.”

Robin swallowed down her fear and walked over to her terminal. Sweat broke out on her brow as an emergency keyboard slid out from underneath her computer. Robin’s fingers flew over the keyboard in a frantic search for the correct commands. She swore as an ambiguous character sign lit up her terminal screen. With renewed determination Robin punched in a few passwords. The screen went black and the then the Avalon cursor flashed across the screen. “Life support systems successfully re-routed to Camelot. Approximate time to termination 16 hours and 36 minutes.” Robin had no time to contemplate her victory for suddenly another loud explosion shook the room. Fire alarms sounded off, adding to the cacophony.

Robin screamed as she backed away from her smoking terminal. “Saben, where are you?” Robin cried as she began to choke from the smoke that filled the room. Frantically Robin ran towards the direction of Saben’s terminal. As she moved across the room Robin failed to notice a fallen cable until she tripped headlong over it. By this time she was too frightened to move and Robin hoped the end would be quick. A warm crisp hand touched her forehead. “Robin?” Saben asked as he gathered Robin in his arms and attempted to carry her to safety. Robin clung to Saben’s neck. The corridor was jammed with people. Some like Saben, calmly made their way towards a goal, others bent over fallen companions, while others wandered around in glazed-eyed shock. Saben maneuvered his way through the crowd holding tight to his precious cargo.

Another explosion rocked the station and this time the lights flickered and then went out. Dull red, emergency lights replace the once white, luminous lab lighting. Saben flattened himself against the wall as the crown surged passed him. Robin buried her face in Saben’s neck and hid from the hellish scene transpiring before them. Metal plates fell from the ceiling as more deafening explosions ripped through the narrow hallway. Saben inched cautiously along the wall and then suddenly he was thrown to the ground. Robin tried to look around but Saben’s body was pinning her to the ground.

“Keep your head down,” Saben hissed.

Robin nodded as she felt Saben’s heart beating against her back. It was the last thing she felt before a deafening sound roared in her ears.

McCoy bent over the young girl that lay in the wreckage. He watched in helpless horror as a security team cleared away the twisted metal that entrapped her. Once the debris was cleared, McCoy bounded forward. He sighed as he ran his medical scanner over the Vulcan body that had protected the girl from death. The Vulcan’s face looked so peaceful, that he appeared to be asleep. With dread McCoy ran his scanner over the girl’s body. “She’s alive,” McCoy shouted to no one in particular.

Robin shook her head in an attempt to dispel the hellish nightmare images that plagued her mind. Her eyes flew open. “Saben, where are you?” Robin cried frantically.

Soft, kind blue eyes looked into Robin’s. “It’s alright. I’m Doctor McCoy from the Starship, Enterprise.”

A clipped, precise British voice cut through McCoy’s soft tones. “Robin, are you alright?”

A round dimpled face looked into Robin’s. “Winston,” Robin thought. Winston was the only friend she had made on the outpost. He had come to study engineering with his uncle, in hopes that he would make it into Star-Fleet’s Engineering Program.

“Robin?” Winston’s voice was starting to border on panic.

Robin swallowed. “Where’s Saben?” She rasped.

Winston studied a pattern on the floor. He refused to meet Robin’s eyes.

Robin looked over at McCoy. “Where’s my Vulcan teacher, Saben?” Her tone of voice was relentless and commanding.

McCoy’s blue eyes glittered. “I’m sorry, he’s gone.” McCoy steeled himself for a reaction, none came.

Robin’s expression melted into an impassive façade. She ignored McCoy’s compassionate glanced and addressed Winston. “Winston, what about your uncle, is he okay?”

Tears flowed freely down Winston’s cheeks. “Engineering was totally destroyed. No one survived.”

Robin sat up slowly. She gritted her teeth as a wave of pain assailed her. She then crawled over to where McCoy had first found her. Saben’s body lay covered with a plastic sheet. Tentatively, Robin pulled back the sheet and put her fingers on Saben’s temple. She drew in a sharp breath. “He really is gone,” Robin whispered as she cradled Saben’s head in her hands.

McCoy swallowed down the lump that stuck in his throat. He was tired, tired of seeing death. It was at times like these that McCoy regretted being a Doctor.

Robin stood up as she fingered the bandage on her forehead. Her adrenaline must have worn off, for her head was really starting to hurt. “What happened?  How did he die?” Robin asked softly.

McCoy understood her need to know. He had felt himself many times. “A metal plate fell on you and Saben. His body protected you. If it’s any comfort he did die instantly.”

Robin took a deep breath and nodded. She then looked over at Doctor McCoy and Winston with wisdom beyond her years. “I’ll be alright, don’t worry.” Robin paused, as her maturity suddenly faded into childhood vulnerability. “So, what happens now?”

McCoy flinched under her intense scrutiny. “We’ll be beaming survivors aboard the Enterprise.”

“The Enterprise,” Robin breathed as an expression of hope flickered across her face. She then exchanged a meaningful glance with Winston. “Doctor, I would like to get some personal things from my sleeping cubicle.”

McCoy looked down at Robin’s small, round face. “Alright, tell the security team what you want,” McCoy sighed.

Robin straightened to her full height. “With all due respect, sir I’d like to get them myself. The security team can accompany me if they wish.”

McCoy frowned. “Oh really, it’s too dangerous and I can’t risk it.”

Robin smiled. “The security team is not close enough to catch me if I should decide to run and believe me I know this place better than anyone.”

“She’s right you know. Nobody knows this place better than Robin.” Winston’s voice cracked a little as he came to Robin’s defense.

McCoy muttered to himself as Robin triumphantly marched between two security guards and Winston. When she entered her cubicle she paused just inside the doorway. The unadorned walls reflected the reddish glow from the emergency lights. Robin shivered. Her life was never going to be the same. Robin mentally jolted herself out of her grief, as she walked over to the desk where two picture holograms sat. Carefully, Robin turned them over in her hands. One was of Saben, the other one was of her mother and father. She peered curiously at the father she had never met. It was hard to believe he was dead for he looked so young, handsome, and carefree in the hologram.

“Robin,” Winston called with a note of anxiousness. “What is taking so long?”

Robin pocketed the two holograms and grabbed a small wooden case under her bed. 

McCoy attended to the wounded and gave instructions to the security team as to who should be beamed up first. He breathed a sigh of relief as Robin, Winston and a security team entered the corridor. McCoy flipped open his communicator. “Scotty,” McCoy growled,” Get us out of here. I’m afraid that life support is going to go any minute.”

McCoy, Winston, Doctor McCoy and the security team stood on the transporter platform and soon McCoy felt his stomach lurch as they materialized on the Enterprise platform. Glancing over at Winston, McCoy noticed that he still had his eyes closed; however, Robin and the security team where already stepping off the platform.

Scotty came forward and held out his hand to Robin,” Welcome aboard the U.S.S. Enterprise, lass.”

Robin smiled. “Thank you Mister Scott.” Her eyes twinkled at the look of surprise on Scotty’s face. “I know everything there is to know about the Enterprise and her crew.”

Scotty looked down at Robin’s small, proud face. “Aye, I’m sure you do lass.”

As McCoy watched Robin and he was struck with a sense of familiarity. He hand no time to contemplate though as Nurse Chapel walked into the room. “Doctor, are all the survivors aboard?”

McCoy nodded. “Yes, Nurse.”

Robin looked around in disappointment. “Where’s the Captain?” Robin’s impatience grew as her question went unanswered. She finally glared at McCoy. “I wish to speak to Captain Kirk. Where is he?”

McCoy smiled benignly. “He’s not available at the moment.”

Robin whirled around frantically. “You mean the Captain isn’t…” She stopped in mid-sentence when she saw Spock about two feet away. Robin swallowed. Spock resembled a younger Saben. Taking a deep breath Robin attempted to control her emotions. “Mister Spock,” Robin spoke in Vulcan. Saben had always told here that to understand any people one must know the language. “Mister Spock, I beg forgiveness. My outburst was illogical. But please…” her voice quivered. “I must speak to the Captain.”

McCoy silently motioned Nurse Chapel forward to administer a sedative to Robin. Before Robin could repeat another question, a hypo spray hissed into her arm. Without another word she slumped into McCoy’s arms. Two hologram photo spheres rolled out of her pocket and clattered to the floor. Spock bent forward to retrieve them. One was of a Vulcan and the other was of a young man and woman. Spock arched an eyebrow and quickly concealed the hologram spheres.

McCoy wiped his forehead with the back of his hand. “Well, Nurse it looks as if we’re going to have trouble with this one.” McCoy thoughtfully looked down at Robin’s face as two orderlies wheeled her to sick-bay. “You know Mister Spock, our little Robin reminds me of someone.”

Spock quizzically looked over at McCoy. “Indeed Doctor, it would seem that great many deal of your patients are reluctant to go to sick-bay.”

McCoy turned to Nurse Chapel, “Come on, Nurse. I’ve got better things to do than to stand around being insulted by that pointed eared hobgoblin.”

Spock raised an eyebrow as McCoy bristled out of the room.

 


	6. Family Ties

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The woman smoothed a lock of hair out of Kirk’s eyes. “How can you doubt me, Jim? Anything is possible here.”  
> “Where is here?” Kirk asked in a quavering tone.  
> “I can’t tell you. I don’t know myself. Jim, darling why did you let me die?”   
> Kirk groped for the woman’s other hand. “Edith, I had to. Millions would have suffered if I hadn’t. You must realize that it caused me great pain to let you die. It still does.” Kirk’s voice trailed off in grief.  
> “Jim, deny that you are James T. Kirk.” A wistful tune from the 1930’s filled the room. “Do you remember that song, Jim?”  
> Kirk smiled. “Yes, it was playing in a radio shop as you and I walked down the street holding hands. You asked me what I was afraid of.”   
> “Yes, Jim you do remember. Dearest, I am longing to hold you again. Deny that James T’ Kirk exists and come to me.”   
> “Edith,” Kirk screamed as unbearable pain flooded through every nerve in his body. The last thing Kirk remembered was he and Edith’s long ago song playing in the background.

Kirk lay on his prison cot sweating. He shivered. Blood oozed from Kirk’s ankles and wrists where he had tried to wrench free. Suddenly he felt himself jerked upright.

“My lord, hast thou been harmed?” Kirk stared as a man slightly older than he looked into his eyes. “My lord?” The man asked again.

Kirk whirled around trying to make his mind remember something, anything. “Where am I?”

The man shook his head and gently heaved Kirk on the back of a horse. “My lord, thou must have hit thine head. Do not fret. Once my lord sees thine castle I have no doubt thou memory will return.”

Kirk smiled lest he be taken back to prison. “Of course, I’m sure I will remember once we arrive at the castle.” Kirk said as he smiled once more. Kirk had no time to observe his surroundings as his horse jolted away at a break-neck speed. They were soon swallowed into the night and Kirk let his despair dissipate after all he wasn’t prison, so that was an improvement in his situation. The ride seemed to go on forever irritating Kirk’s injuries further. As the sun rose Kirk looked around him at the wild and desolate landscape. The chill of dawn made him shiver uncontrollably. So much so that when his horse came to a sudden stop Kirk nearly fell head-long over the horse’s neck.

“Look,” Kirk’s companion pointed. Kirk gazed over to where the man gestured and gasped. On a grassy hill stood a 15th Century castle, it was breathtaking. Kirk had no time to contemplate the scene before him as his companion reached for the reins of his horse. “Hurry my lord, for we must prepare for battle.”

Kirk urged his horse forward to keep up with his companion. Gritting his teeth from pain Kirk was relieved when his horse slowed to a stop. He was alone in a courtyard and his companion had simply vanished. “Hello?” Kirk called. His voice echoed back at him, it was a hollow lonely sound. Kirk’s horse sensed his uneasiness and began to shift nervously, its hooves clattering loudly on the uneven cobble stones. Cautiously Kirk dismounted and looked around him. The courtyard was definitely deserted. A storm raged overhead and flashes of lightening streaked the sky adding to the anxiety of Kirk and his horse. “I’ve got to find a way into the castle,” Kirk thought.

As if sensing his thoughts, a wooden door flew open. Even though the door seemed heavy it flapped back and forth in the howling wind as if it were made of paper. Kirk glanced around the courtyard, looking for someone to take his horse to safety.  However, the horse was nowhere to be seen, so Kirk scanned the courtyard once more and then he ran through the open door and into the sanctuary of the castle. Kirk stood still until his eyes adjusted to the gloom inside. The room smelled damp and musty. Kirk wrinkled his nose in disgust. Hellish flames flickered in a hypotonic dance pattern, making the stone fireplace appear like an entrance to the underworld.  There was something that entranced Kirk about the unnatural fire.

“My lord, Macbeth,” an unknown voice whispered.

Kirk’s heart pounded in terror as he turned to look at the speaker. A woman with long, black hair made her way down a stone spiral staircase to where Kirk was standing.

“My lord, Macbeth, is there something that ails thee?” She whispered.

“I am not Macbeth,” Kirk said slowly.

The woman’s lips grimaced into a cruel smile. “Of course you are. Who else would dare to possess the head of Macduff’s son?”

For the first time Kirk noticed that the woman held something in her had. It was a severed head. The woman laughed as she held up the head for Kirk’s inspection. Kirk’s eyes were riveted to the dangling remains. “That’s Spock’s head,” he screamed and then sank to the floor.

“My lord, Macbeth, thou hast ordered his death this morning. It is possible that my lord Macbeth is confused?”

“I am not Macbeth,” Kirk shrieked.

The woman laughed, it was a chilling sound. “Of course my lord is Macbeth. Look, here,” she said as the woman held out a mirror towards Kirk.

 A bearded face leered back at him as Kirk dropped the mirror. “I am James T. Kirk,” he hissed. A haze of pain engulfed Kirk as the room swirled around and Kirk groaned in despair when he noticed that he was still chained to his stone prison slab. It was as if he had never left.

Suddenly, Kirk felt a cool touch on his forehead. “Jim, do you know who I am?”

Kirk tried to focus his eyes, but couldn’t.

“Jim, it’s me Edith.” The woman spoke softly.

“Edith, how do I know it’s really you?” Kirk asked as he grabbed the woman’s hand.

The woman smoothed a lock of hair out of Kirk’s eyes. “How can you doubt me, Jim? Anything is possible here.”

“Where is here?” Kirk asked in a quavering tone.

“I can’t tell you. I don’t know myself. Jim, darling why did you let me die?”

Kirk groped for the woman’s other hand. “Edith, I had to. Millions would have suffered if I hadn’t. You must realize that it caused me great pain to let you die. It still does.” Kirk’s voice trailed off in grief.

“Jim, deny that you are James T. Kirk.” A wistful tune from the 1930’s filled the room. “Do you remember that song, Jim?”

Kirk smiled. “Yes, it was playing in a radio shop as you and I walked down the street holding hands. You asked me what I was afraid of.”

“Yes, Jim you do remember. Dearest, I am longing to hold you again. Deny that James T’ Kirk exists and come to me.”

“Edith,” Kirk screamed as unbearable pain flooded through every nerve in his body. The last thing Kirk remembered was he and Edith’s long ago song playing in the background.

Robin opened her eyes. Her head hurt so badly as she scowled at McCoy’s smiling face above her with irritation. “You gave me a sedative, “she growled.  

McCoy ignored her as he checked the medical readings above her sick-bay bed. “Young lady, you gave me no choice. I had to administer a sedative. You weren’t going to come willingly.” McCoy’s lips formed a gentle smile as he patted Robin’s arm. “I know you’ve been through a lot, so why don’t you rest awhile?”

Robin glared at him and then smiled. “I’m sorry, Doctor. I’ve been very rude. I’ll rest, but first could I have my flute and holograms?”

“Well,” McCoy beamed, “I suppose that wouldn’t be too much trouble.” McCoy said as he walked out of the room smiling.

Nurse Chapel walked up to Robin’s bedside and grinned. “You certainly have Doctor McCoy wrapped around your finger. He wanted to kill you this morning. I think you deserve a treat for such an accomplishment. How would you like some ice cream?” Nurse Chapel laughed as Robin’s eyes widened. “Alright, I am guessing by your expression that the answer is yes. Robin propped her head up with a pillow as Nurse Chapel left.

McCoy almost ran into Nurse Chapel as he re-entered the room. Nurse Chapel gestured towards Robin’s bed. “I’m getting some ice cream for our little princess.”

McCoy smiled thoughtfully. “You know she has such a charming smile. It reminds me of someone, but I can’t quite place it.” McCoy shook his head to clear the image. “Oh well, never mind, Nurse.”

Robin sat up in bed when she caught sight of McCoy. McCoy walked towards her carrying a flute case. Robin held out her hands for the flute case. “Thank you, Doctor, but where are my holograms?”

McCoy looked puzzled. “I didn’t see any holograms. Are you sure you brought them?”

“Mister Spock has them,” another voice answered.

McCoy and Robin turned in unison to look at the speaker. Winston grinned back at them. “The holograms rolled out of Robin’s pocket when she was put under sedation and Mister Spock picked them up.”

McCoy cleared his throat. “Well, now that’s settled you both need some rest.”

As soon as McCoy left the room Robin got out of bed. Cautiously, she crossed the small distance to Winston’s bed. “Winston, I can’t believe you let Mister Spock…”

Winston held out his hands in a placating gesture. “I’m sorry, Robin. It couldn’t be helped. I knew you’d be mad so that’s why I pinched this.” Winston said as he held out a disk to Robin.

Robin punched it into her reading tablet. “The ships schematics, really?”

Winston folded his arms across his chest. “I thought you’d be pleased.”

Robin sighed. “You did what you thought best, but, I’ve already studied these plans back at home. I know every inch of the Enterprise. However, this does give me an idea.”

Winston looked down at Robin’s smiling face. He seldom saw her smile and it was a nice change.

“Winston, I’m going to Mister Spock’s quarters to get my holograms back. I just hope he hasn’t looked at them too closely.”

Winston looked worried. “I don’t think that’s such a good idea and anyway how are you going to get into Mister Spock’s quarters?”

Robin looked at Winston as if he was a dim witted child. “Vulcans typically don’t lock their doors and if by chance it is locked I feel confident in my ability to break in.”

Winston shrugged. “Well, whatever you’re going to do, it had better be done quickly. Someone’s bound to be about any minute.”

Robin nodded and then without a backwards glance she was gone. Nurse Chapel walked into the room with McCoy at her heels. Winston pretended to be asleep.

“Where is she?” McCoy whispered as he pointed to Robin’s empty bed.

Nurse Chapel looked confused. “I don’t know, Doctor. Maybe she went to look for another patient.”

McCoy stormed out of the room and a few minutes later he returned. “Well, Nurse it looks as if our patient has flown the coup.”

*****************************************************************************

Spock furrowed his brows together. It was going to take at least six standard days to get to Starbase 11 to drop off the survivors. That meant that…”

McCoy’s voice interrupted Spock’s reflections, as he rasped at Spock through the intercom. “McCoy, to bridge.”

“Yes, what is it, Doctor?”

The calmness in Spock’s voice irritated McCoy’s raw nerves. “One of my patients has escaped. She’s an eleven year old girl.”

Spock sighed. “Doctor, your patients are your concern.”

“Damnit Spock, I’ve got to find her. She could be anywhere,” McCoy spluttered.

“Yes, Doctor, I would say that is a logical deduction. Would you like me to call security to assist you in the search?”

McCoy’s sarcasm was not lost on Spock.” Yes, Mister Spock, if you would be so kind.” McCoy then cut off the transmission.

Spock arched an eyebrow. “You are welcome, Doctor.”

Robin paused outside of Spock’s quarters. The doors swished open after she keyed in a stolen password from the security system. Cautiously Robin stepped inside. A small, red meditation light flickered in the corner, casting shadows on the ancient Vulcan weapons that adorned the wall. Robin basked in the warmth of the room. It reminded her of Saben. He had always kept the temperature in his study similar to the one in Spock’s quarters. Robin pulled out her flute to play a last tribute to Saben.

Spock walked down the corridor to his quarters. He was surprised to hear a Vulcan lament coming from within.  Spock walked slowly towards Robin and then sat on the edge of his bed. He showed no surprise at her presence. Robin jumped when she heard Spock’s voice.

“I am curious. How is it that a human child learned to play the Vulcan flute?”

Robin relaxed and began to speak in Vulcan. “My Vulcan tutor taught me. We were working on a special cold fusion project when…he…” Robin paused as she struggled to control her emotions. “He died trying to save me. It wasn’t very logical of him was it, Mister Spock?”

Spock looked into Robin’s eyes and she was surprised to see pain in their burning depths. When Spock spoke his voice was lower than usual. “Some of the most heroic acts of history have not been logical.”

For a moment they sat in silence, each lost in their own grief. It was Robin who at last broke the silence. “I came to get my holograms. However, you probably already deduced that I would want them back.”

Spock nodded. “Yes, I had surmised as much.” Spock said as he pulled the holograms down from a shelf. They lit up in his hands, as he gave them to Robin. Robin took them and turned them over in her hands. “You’ve seen them?”

Spock nodded. “I have.”

“Then I guess you know the human man in the hologram is Sam Kirk.”

“Yes,” Spock answered in a veiled, uneasy tone.

“Then I should also tell you that Sam Kirk is my father.” Robin said, knowing that there would be no reaction from Spock. It felt good to let the secret out to someone besides Winston.

Spock stood up and his clasped his hands behind his book. “It was a logical conclusion; however, I had to wish to pry.”

Robin smiled for the first time. “I know you didn’t. I am depending on your discretion. Will you promise on your honor as a Vulcan not to tell anyone?”

Spock gazed at the red meditation light. Its pulse matched the throbbing pulse in his temples. “The only promise I can make is to keep your secret safe as long as it is not relevant to the safety of the Enterprise and her crew.”

Robin would have preferred a straight “Yes,” however this would have to do. “Do you believe that Sam Kirk was my father? Do you think I am really a Kirk? Do you believe me, Spock?” Robin asked as she fidgeted with the keys on her flute.

Spock cocked his head to one side. “Your angry demands, arrogant posture and severe reluctance to go to sick bay, very much remind me of a member of the Kirk family. There is also a slight physical resemblance as well.”

Robin narrowed her eyes and studied Spock closely. She then jumped off the bed and paced in front of him. “I wonder if anyone else has noticed. That old goat McCoy keeps staring at me as if he has seen me before. Do you think he knows?”

Spock looked faintly amused. “If Doctor McCoy knew your identity he would not keep it a secret. He would confront you.”

Robin nodded her head in satisfaction. “Good. Now, Mister Spock, will you tell me where the Captain is? After all he is my uncle.”

Spock focused on a point above Robin’s head as he began to speak slowly. “The Enterprise was investigating the disappearance of a science vessel. The Captain disappeared on the planet’s surface and the Enterprise was forced to leave him.”

Robin pursed her lips. “It was because of us, wasn’t it? Never mind you don’t have to answer the question. I know the answer is yes. Spock, why isn’t the Enterprise attempting to rescue the Captain?”

Spock looked down at the small, scowling face. “We were ordered to take all survivors from Avalon to Starbase 11.”

Robin sighed and began to pace again. “By the time the Enterprise drops us off the Captain could be dead.”

Spock swallowed. “That is a possibility.”

Robin studied Spock closely. “You care for him, don’t you?”

Spock replied without hesitation. “Yes.”

Robin put her hands on her hips. “Well, Mister Spock I guess there is no choice left for you. However, that doesn’t mean that I can’t do something.” Sensing Spock’s desire to be alone Robin headed for the door. “I’d better get back to sick-bay before the old goat has a coronary.” Robin paused before she left the room. “Mister Spock, perhaps we could play a game of chess sometime. I’m pretty good.”

Spock looked into her sparkling grey eyes. “Indeed that sounds most stimulating. If you wait in the corridor I will have security escort you back to sick-bay.”

Robin turned and faced Spock with a baffled expression on her face. “Mister Spock, I studied schematics to star-ships at home. I know every meter of the Enterprise.”

Spock raised a skeptical eyebrow. “Indeed, I thought that information was only open star-fleet personal.”

Robin grinned. “It is.”  As she left Spock began to contemplate the day’s events.

Robin whistled as she strode into sick-bay. “Hello, Doctor McCoy.” Robin said cheerily.

McCoy turned around so sharply that he almost ran into Nurse Chapel. “Where have you been?” McCoy demanded.

Robin wide eyes looked at him innocently. “I went for a walk. I needed some exercise.” McCoy stood in front of Robin puffing like a blow fish. Robin ignored him as she turned towards Nurse Chapel. “Nurse Chapel, can I have my ice-cream now?”

Nurse Chapel tried unsuccessfully to hide a smile as McCoy stormed out of the room muttering to himself.

 

 

 

 

 


	7. Switchback

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> McCoy glared at Spock in irritation. “Mister Spock, all federation outpost children are taught the basics of hand to hand combat. Robin and Winston are merely releasing pent up aggression. Why I think it’s a wonderful change. But perhaps you would like to enlighten me about child psychology, Mister Spock. Maybe you possess some information that I don’t.”  
> Spock frowned. “Doctor, there are many facts that I possess, which you do not. However, if I were to reveal all the information within my mind you could not even begin to ascertain the meaning of its contents.”   
> McCoy’s eyes bulged as he grimaced at Spock. “Nurse, I’m going to my office. It’s just too early to put up with that Vulcan pointed eared hobgoblin.”  
> Nurse Chapel stifled a giggle as McCoy stormed out of the room. She then glanced over at Spock as he stood intently watching Robin and Winston, as they circled around the mat. Their intricate moves were far more advanced than just basic hand to hand combat.

Kirk lay on the stone slab trying to fight down the pain and nausea that assailed him. It was a futile quest. “Well,” Kirk thought, “I’ll never complain about how hard the Enterprise beds are again.” Kirk smiled as an unbidden image of his mother came to mind. She had always told him to think of something pleasant when he was sick. Kirk took her advice and closed his eyes. He thought of a time when the Enterprise had gone to Federation headquarters in San Francisco, Ca. The Enterprise crew was jubilant at the thought of shore leave.

Kirk had only time to take a couple of days off and even though the shore leave was brief, it had been a special time. It was one of those dream-like memories that stand out in one’s mind forever as a reference for a perfect day. Kirk smiled in spite of the pain he was suffering in the present and with relief he let his mind escape to the memory of that perfect day. He, McCoy and Spock had all decided to take their shore leave together. Their goal had been to tour all the sights of San Francisco that they normally did not have the time to visit.

Kirk awoke with the feeling that school was out for the summer. He, McCoy and Spock walked the streets of San Francisco in a relaxed manner. Even Spock seemed a little less austere.

“Well, gentlemen I have decided what we’re going to do today. Since Spock chose yesterday, and you,” Kirk said as he pointed to McCoy,” chose the day before, it’s only logical that I get to choose today.”

McCoy raised an eyebrow in a perfection imitation of Spock’s. “Well, Jim what are getting ourselves into?”

Kirk looked hurt. “Why Bones, I’m not getting you into anything. I just thought that we all might want to go for a ride on the cable cars.”

This time it was Spock’s turn to raise an eyebrow. “The cable cars, Captain?”

Kirk shrugged. “Sure, I thought it might be fun.” Kirk looked at Spock’s confused expression and laughed. “Come on, let’s go have some fun.”

As they walked to the cable car stop, Kirk paused. “Look,” Kirk said as he pointed to an excavation sight. “Mister Spock,” Kirk asked casually, “How long would you say that hole is?”

Spock looked off into the distance as he calmly calculated. “About 3.5 meters, Captain.”

Kirk’s eyes assumed a fiendish look. “3.5 meter is not very long, is it?”

McCoy grabbed Kirk’s arm. “Whatever you have in mind, Jim stop now before someone gets hurt.”

Spock was disturbed at the excited glimmer in Kirk’s eyes. He knew that look it meant that Kirk was going to do something very human and very dangerous.

A small group had begun to gather as Kirk paced himself and many of the onlookers began to wager as to whether Kirk would be successful or not. Kirk looked back, grinned and began to run. The wind whistled through his hair as Kirk ran and then jumped.  “This is what it must feel like to fly,” Kirk thought as he catapulted himself through the air. Raising his hands in the air Kirk laughed at the sheer joy of being alive. Then all too soon he landed with an ungraceful thud at Spock and McCoy’s feet. The crowd cheered as Kirk grinned sheepishly up at Spock and McCoy.

“Jim, that was a damn fool thing to do,” McCoy growled as he helped Kirk to his feet.

Spock nodded his head in agreement with McCoy. “Jim, I must concur with the Doctor.”

Kirk threw back his head and laughed. “Gentlemen, let’s go ride a cable car.”

McCoy shifted his weight nervously as he eyed the cable car uneasily. “Jim, are you sure these things are safe?  After all they are centuries old.”

Kirk grinned sideways at Spock. “People ride these things every day, Bones. Besides I thought you despised modern machinery. The cable cars certainly aren’t modern.”

Spock tactfully observed the skyline as McCoy pursed his lips and glared at Kirk. Kirk ignored McCoy’s irritation as he grabbed Bone’s arm. “Come on, it’s our turn.” Kirk couldn’t hide the enthusiasm as he bounded aboard the cable car.

McCoy muttered to himself as they all jostled into each other during the cable car’s ascent up the hill. “I can’t believe you’d want to ride this thing, Jim. I wonder what the odds are of getting up this hill in one piece?”

Spock started to speak but stopped mid-sentence as Kirk held a silencing finger up to his lips. The cable car finally cranked up to the top of the hill as it groaned to a stop. The view was breath taking. Kirk smiled and thought, “San Francisco was indeed a beautiful city.”

As if reading his mind McCoy commented in wonder, “This is such a magnificent view.”

Kirk looked over at Spock and even he seemed to be enjoying himself. The three friends looked out at the view in silence, each enjoying the beauty of the ancient city.

Kirk’s mind flitted back to the present as he thought that his mother’s remedy still worked. Desperate to mentally escape his current situation Kirk searched the corners of his mind for another memory. As if on cue, Kirk found himself mentally transported to another day in his past.

“Jim, you’ve got to rest. I’ve found the antidote for your virus, but if you don’t rest it isn’t going to work.” McCoy said as he fussed over Kirk like an old mother hen. Kirk was recovering from a deadly alien virus that had already claimed several lives aboard the Enterprise.

Kirk winced as he lay back on his pillow. “My lungs feel like they are on fire.”

McCoy’s tone gentled. “I know, Jim, that’s why you have to rest. We almost lost you,” McCoy said as he glanced over at Spock. “It’s been hard on all of us, so please rest.”

Kirk grinned. “Alright, Bones. I just wish I had some of my mother’s chicken soup.”

Spock arched an eyebrow, “Chicken soup, Captain?”

McCoy laughed. “What he means is that he wishes that his mother was here.”

Spock nodded in understanding. “Yes, humans always want their mother when they fall ill. It is a curious custom, for unless one’s mother is a doctor….”

Kirk cut off the rest of Spock’s sentence with a groan. “Spock, please,” Kirk said as new spasms of coughs racked his body. Each cough was sheer agony. Spock and McCoy exchanged worried glances.

McCoy reached out and lightly touched Kirk’s arm. “Here Jim, I’ll give you something for the pain.”

“Pain-PAIN, “Kirk thought as the agony brought Kirk’s mind unwillingly to the present. The recovery from the alien virus had been a rough time, but with the help of Spock, McCoy, and the crew of the Enterprise Kirk had recovered. “I’m sorry Spock, Bones; I don’t think I can hold on much longer. Is this what dying is going to be like?” Kirk thought as his body shivered uncontrollably. Kirk thought that his death would be a swift one, perhaps, death by a Klingon disruptor blast, a Romulan mind probe, or in a hand to hand combat match with an enemy. “I never expected this emptiness, pain, the sheer hell of death throes.” Kirk thought. “Spock, McCoy,” Kirk whispered, “Will you be able to rescue me from the bowels of hell?”

Voices echoed around the room. “They cannot answer James Kirk. McCoy and Spock are dead, you killed them.”

“No,” Kirk screamed as he closed his eyes in an effort to shut out the voices. What if it were true? What if he had killed McCoy and Spock? No, surely he would have remembered such a terrible act. Kirk shuddered as he recalled how he had threatened McCoy on the planet’s surface. “Maybe I did kill him, I just can’t remember,” Kirk shouted aloud. Kirk’s breath caught in his throat. He concentrated on Spock and for a moment Kirk felt his warm reassuring presence. His comfort was short lived, though as another bolt of pain shot through Kirk’s body. Gratefully, Kirk surrendered to the oblivion of unconsciousness.

Robin stared out of a window on the observation deck. The stars appeared to be standing still as if they and the Enterprise were frozen in time. Robin thought of her father and her uncle. Where was Kirk? Was he even alive, or was he dead like his brother, Sam? Robin clenched her hands to her side in an effort to control the despair that swept over her.

“Robin?”

Robin swiveled around to see Spock standing behind her. She was tempted to turn and cry on his shoulder. In an effort to control the human need for comfort Robin grinned carelessly. “Hi, Spock, I couldn’t sleep, so I came here.” Robin gestured towards the stars. “I can see why Uncle Kirk devoted his life to exploring space. It’s so exciting.”

“Yes, “Spock whispered. “This was one of the Captain’s favorite places to come when he couldn’t sleep.

Robin closed her eyes as an image of a golden haired man smiled back at her. His hazel eyes danced with mischief, as he joked with someone Robin couldn’t see. The vision disappeared into a mind numbing emptiness. Robin winced as Spock gripped her arm. “What happened?” she whispered in awe.

Spock relaxed his grip. “We experienced thought transference.”

Robin looked pale and shaken. “Spock, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to come into your thoughts like that. Saben was just starting to teach me the basic methods of the mind-meld; even so I would never invade your privacy. Spock?”

Spock looked into Robin’s bewildered eyes. “No, perhaps not intentionally,” Spock said as he turned towards the observation window.

Robin watched him uneasily. “Spock, I was just thinking about you and Uncle Kirk. I didn’t mean to offend you. After all I want to apply for Vulcan citizenship someday. You do think I’ll be able to, don’t you?”

Spock looked down at Robin’s hopeful face. She looked so much like Kirk, optimistic, energetic, ready to fight the world if need be, that Spock swallowed. It hurt to care. “Robin, I think you will succeed in whatever you decide to do. Though sometime before you leave I must explain the principles of the mind-shield. If you are going to attempt to live on Vulcan, you will need them.”

Robin grinned and then yawned. “Well, Mister Spock, I’d better get back to sick-bay. I’ve got lots of planning to do.”

Spock looked into Robin’s glittering, grey eyes. Something in their depths disquieted him.

McCoy lay slumped over his desk. He started to reach for his brandy decanter and then stopped when his door buzzer sounded. “Damn, who could that be? I can’t even wallow in my depression alone without someone bothering me, “McCoy thought angrily as he growled, “Come in.”

Robin stood in the doorway. She blinked as her eyes grew accustomed to the dim light in McCoy’s office. McCoy watched Robin as she crossed the room in a couple of hesitant strides. She stood in front of him, her face a pale oval in the semi-darkness. McCoy tried to recall a fleeting image, and then shook his head. “Damn,” he thought, “I can’t think straight anymore.”

Robin leaned forward placing her hands on McCoy’s desk. “Doctor, I can’t sleep.”

McCoy smiled at her through watery, red rimmed eyes. “Well, Robin that makes two of us, doesn’t it?”

Robin quietly stood beside him. “You’re worried about the Captain, aren’t you?”

McCoy looked up sharply and then shrugged. “Yes, what’s the use in trying to hide it? Speaking of hiding, where did you sneak off to this time?” McCoy’s expression was stern, yet his voice held a soft note.

Robin grinned. “I went to the observation deck. It’s quite beautiful.”

“Yes, I know,” McCoy said as his eyes held a faraway look. His voice was full of child-like bewilderment.

Robin looked into McCoy’s eyes. She sensed his need to talk of himself. “What made you decide to become a Doctor?”

McCoy smiled. “I always had respect of living things. I think I wanted everything to be healthy and beautiful. But I guess life isn’t that way and that’s why there is Doctors. We try to pick up the pieces of nature’s cruelties.”

Robin regarded McCoy with a solemn expression. “We all pick up pieces, Doctor, however some individuals choose to scatter and destroy, while others choose to heal. So, in a way we’re all Doctors.”

McCoy exhaled a puff of air. “How old are you and how did such a little girl become so wise?”

“I observe and listen,” Robin stated in a flat monotone voice.

For a moment McCoy felt rebuffed and then he realized the truth. This child had been raised in a cloistered academic atmosphere, and she was now facing a terrible evil. For the first time Robin was alone and she would have to deal with this desolation for the rest of her life, McCoy wanted to cry for this lonely child, and all others like her, but most of all he wanted to cry for himself. McCoy cleared his throat and motioned for Robin to sit in the chair next to him. “Now, Robin tell me what do you want to do with yourself when you grow up?”

Robin blinked two or three times. No one had ever asked her that question before.  “I will be a scientist.” Robin stated flatly.

McCoy leaned closer. What do you want to do?”

Robin leaned back in her chair and for the first time she looked like a small, vulnerable child. “More than anything I want to study on Vulcan. But… I don’t think I want to become the kind of scientist that Saben wanted me to be. I want to build faster star-ships.” Robin hung her head in shame. “It’s an unrealistic ambition, isn’t it?”

McCoy took Robin by the shoulders. “Robin, you must do what you feel you must.”

Robin’s voice was full of misery. “You don’t understand. Saben would have been horrified. I’m sure any Vulcan would.”

McCoy’s eyes sparkled. “Why don’t you ask Mister Spock what he thinks of the idea?”

Robin laughed. “I think I will, Doctor.”

McCoy laughed with her and then smiled. “My friends call me Bones and about your sleeping I suggest you just try and relax. I don’t want to give you any sedatives. I’m afraid you might get addicted and I don’t want to get you started on any bad habits.”

McCoy followed Robin’s glance to where the brandy decanter stood. “Yes, I think I understand, Bones. I think talking helped because I’m starting to feel a little sleepy.”

McCoy smiled back at her. “So am I.”

Robin got up and walked towards the door. “Good-night, Bones and thanks,” she said shyly.

McCoy rubbed his eyes and then stood up and joined her. “Thank you. Now, get to bed young lady.”  McCoy smiled fondly after her as Robin left.

Nurse Chapel smiled at McCoy as he walked into the gym. “Good morning, Doctor.”

McCoy winced. “Nurse, must you be so active and loud this early in the morning.” McCoy said as he gently pressed his fingers against his throbbing temples.

Nurse Chapel grinned. “Good morning, Doctor McCoy,” she whispered.

On the other side of the room a group of crew members watched with delight as Robin flipped a young ensign on his back.

McCoy smiled. “What’s Robin up to this morning?”

Nurse Chapel seemed hesitant to answer. “Robin and Winston have been working out. You did say they should get some exercise.”

McCoy frowned. “Come on, Nurse let’s go see what they’re up to.”

Robin laughed as she helped the young ensign up. She then motioned to Winston. “Come on, Winston. You need more practice too.”

Winston groaned from the sidelines. “I’m tired of being flipped about like a fish. I thought I was good at this stuff until I met you. Robin, you are destroying my self-confidence.”

“I’ll destroy more than that, if you don’t get out on this mat right now.” Robin growled.

McCoy and Nurse Chapel became so engrossed in watching Robin and Winston work out that they didn’t notice Spock’s quiet approach. Spock studied Robin’s tense, white, face. This was more than a game to her.

“Doctor McCoy.”

McCoy jumped. “Damn it Spock, I wish you’d make more noise when you enter a room. It’s unnerving to look over and see you just standing there. What do you want?”

Spock raised an eyebrow. “I was just merely going to ask what you thought of Robin and Winston’s workout routine. It does not appear to be just a simple workout.”

McCoy put his hands on his hips. “Spock, they’re just playing. I know that’s something Vulcan children don’t do; however, human children find it stimulating.”  

Spock cocked his head to one side. “Doctor, I was merely going to point out that Robin and Winston appear to be methodically drilling in hand to hand combat.”

McCoy glared at Spock in irritation. “Mister Spock, all federation outpost children are taught the basics of hand to hand combat. Robin and Winston are merely releasing pent up aggression. Why I think it’s a wonderful change. But perhaps you would like to enlighten me about child psychology, Mister Spock. Maybe you possess some information that I don’t.”

Spock frowned. “Doctor, there are many facts that I possess, which you do not. However, if I were to reveal all the information within my mind you could not even begin to ascertain the meaning of its contents.”

McCoy’s eyes bulged as he grimaced at Spock. “Nurse, I’m going to my office. It’s just too early to put up with that Vulcan pointed eared hobgoblin.”

Nurse Chapel stifled a giggle as McCoy stormed out of the room. She then glanced over at Spock as he stood intently watching Robin and Winston, as they circled around the mat. Their intricate moves were far more advanced than just basic hand to hand combat.  


 

 

 


	8. Reality or Illusion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kirk shivered as he emerged on the beach. He closed his eyes and thought of the Enterprise. Would he ever see her again? Perhaps it was better to deny his own existence, and then maybe his jailers would let him be at peace. Who were his jailers anyway? Was his own mind the jailer? Maybe this was reality. Maybe the Enterprise no longer existed. Could she only be an illusion to his already tortured mind? Kirk swallowed down the scream that threatened to tear itself from his throat. After all hadn’t Spock once said that there was a fine line between reality and illusion? Was the world he found himself in reality or illusion? Could it be both?

For a moment Kirk imagined he was a boy again. Sunlight streamed through a high window; bathing his face in its warm, healing rays. Slowly Kirk opened his eyes. In despair he realized where he was. He was a prisoner chained to a stone slab. He had not been rescued. He was not home. Kirk fought back tears and closed his eyes as the hospital room faded away.

When Kirk opened his eyes again he found himself standing on the shore of a deserted beach. He smiled and dived into the crashing waves. The icy water bit at his arms and legs as he struggled to keep his head above the liquid darkness, which surrounded him. Kirk felt relieved. The physical struggle was exhilarating. It was something he could control. He dived deeper into the water, and then shot up out of the water like a porpoise. After a few moments in the water Kirk reluctantly swam back to the shore to wait. There would be something or someone to shatter his joy. It was always this way.

Kirk shivered as he emerged on the beach. He closed his eyes and thought of the Enterprise. Would he ever see her again? Perhaps it was better to deny his own existence, and then maybe his jailers would let him be at peace. Who were his jailers anyway? Was his own mind the jailer? Maybe this was reality. Maybe the Enterprise no longer existed. Could she only be an illusion to his already tortured mind? Kirk swallowed down the scream that threatened to tear itself from his throat. After all hadn’t Spock once said that there was a fine line between reality and illusion? Was the world he found himself in reality or illusion? Could it be both?

Kirk covered his face with his hands. He got up and began to pace through the wet sand. His solitary figure cast shadows along the shore. “I’m not thinking sensibly,” Kirk thought. “I am not myself. Every shred of logic I once possessed is gone.” Then a thought so terrible overwhelmed Kirk’s mind. Perhaps, he had gone insane and had blown up the Enterprise. Perhaps, now he was awaiting some grisly punishment for his crime. It was a terrifying conclusion; however was it the truth?

As if in answer to his question the beach faded away. Kirk stood at the edge of an abyss. Across the chasm his demonic double shoveled the bodies of Edith, Spock, McCoy, Sulu, Uhura, Chekov, Scotty, and Alexandra into a black void. Kirk screamed. It was an eerie haunted sound that echoed around the chasm.

“Jim.” At the sound of his name Kirk turned his tear stained face towards a woman in white. “Edith?” Kirk asked in relief.

Tears flowed down her face. “Jim, come to me. You are consumed with guilt and self-hatred. Until you acknowledge your guilt we will always be apart.” The woman who called herself Edith ran her fingers through kirk’s hair. “Jim, do you understand?”

Kirk pulled away from her. “Yes, I understand. You want me to deny the existence of James T. Kirk. You want me to deny myself.”

Edith’s lips rounded into a sad, serene, smile. “Dearest Jim, do you fear death so much? Look.”

Kirk looked to where she pointed. He stared. His unmoving body lay on a stone slab. His chest barely rose and fell as his last breaths struggled to escape. He felt no fear. “Is that all death is?” Kirk asked with wonder. “Why I’m almost there.” He looked around for Edith, but she had disappeared. Once more Kirk was alone.

Tatiana frowned as she fed more data discs into her computer. Her eyes ached from fatigue.   

Spock peered over her shoulder. “Have you found anything unusual, Lieutenant Nivka?” Spock asked.

Tatiana jumped. “No, sir, we’ve analyzed every rock and plant from the planet’s surface. Except for low levels of radiation in the rocks, everything has typical Class M characteristics.”

Spock glanced at Lieutenant Nivka with concern. Her once immaculate uniform hung on her in a careless rumpled mess, and her eyes were red from crying. “Lieutenant, you look fatigued. Perhaps, you should get some rest.”

Tatiana stared at Spock through a blurred, haze. “Yes, Mister Spock I think I will.” Tatiana then turned and stumbled out of the lab. She was so tired, and yet she knew if she slept the nightmares would return.

Robin gasped as the doors opened to sick-bay. She waved a friendly greeting to McCoy. “Hi, Bones, where’s Winston?”

McCoy smiled. “I’m afraid you rushed back for nothing. Winston and some of the other children are taking a tour of the ship.”

Robin folded her arms across her chest in a gesture of irritation. McCoy cocked his head to one side and chuckled. “I thought you’d react that way, so I took the liberty of finding out where they were just before you came in. They’re in the botanical gardens with Nurse Chapel. It seems the children needed a little R and R, Robin.” McCoy’s relaxed drawl only irritated Robin further.

“Well, I guess I’ll have to go see what he’s up to.” Robin snapped as she angrily stormed out of the room.

The shouts of childish play reached Spock’s ears as he entered the botanical gardens. Children ran and chased each other, as if to banish the recent horrors they had seen. Robin sat on a bench watching the events before her with a detached air. Spock quietly sat next to her. “You don’t play with the other children?”

Robin faced Spock and laughed. “Mister Spock, you of all people should know better than anyone what Vulcan tutors think of playing. Saben always told me that playing was a waste of time.” Robin watched the children as they thought up a new game. “I guess the gap between me and other children is too wide to breach.”

For a moment Spock and Robin shared unspoken childhood pain. Spock laid a hand on Robin’s arm. “Sometimes it is wise to let go of the past, Robin.”

Robin glared at Spock scornfully. “You don’t and as long as my uncle’s out there I have no time to play. I can’t just sit around hoping he’ll be alive when the Enterprise finally gets around to rescuing him. Spock, I am set apart from other children for a reason.” Robin was about to explain further when Winston cheerfully bounded up to where Spock and Robin sat.

“Hello, Robin.” Winston said with a careless air.

“Winston, where have you been?”  Robin hissed.

Winston looked surprised. “Don’t fret pet.” Winston said as he paused for dramatic effect. “Well, what do you know that rhymed?”

Robin sighed. “I know you’re a poet and didn’t know it. Winston, I do wish you’d be serious for once.”

Winston grinned as he stared into Robin’s hostile expression. “I’ve got some secrets for our little game, Robin.” Winston said as he glanced sideways at Spock’s curious expression. “I’ll tell you later, pet, cheerio.”

Robin smiled as Winston sauntered over to where the other children were playing. “I’m tired Mister Spock. I think I’ll go rest now.” Without another word Robin left the room.

McCoy muttered to himself as he looked through a pile of data discs. Spock stood to the side of McCoy patiently waiting. “Mister Spock, you amaze me.” McCoy growled.

Spock cocked his head to one side. “Why, thank you, Doctor.”

McCoy folded his arms across his chest. “I didn’t mean that as a compliment, Spock. What I meant was that for someone who is supposed to be assuming the Captain’s duties, you have a lot of time to pry into what two children are up to. I don’t get it.” McCoy said as he shook his head while he rummaged through more data discs. “Here we are,” he said as he triumphantly held up four sets of data discs.

Spock punched one of the discs into the computer. “Computer,” Spock requested.

“Working,” a mechanical voice answered.

“Computer, please give me a report on the academic record of Robin Kessler.”

The computer clicked for a few seconds and then replied in a monotone voice. “Robin Lenora Kessler age eleven, I.Q. superior is currently studying with Saben of Vulcan. Studies consist of advanced computer code writing, Quantum Physics, and Vulcan Mind Techniques. Her recreational activities consist of Chess, Martial Arts, and the Vulcan Flute.”

McCoy whistled. “Wow, that’s pretty impressive.”

“Indeed,” Spock answered as he punched another disc into the computer. “Computer, please give me a report on the academic record of Winston Charles Westmore Jr.”

The computer spouted out the information on Winston in the same monotone voice. “Winston Charles Westmore Jr., aged fifteen, above average I.Q., photographic memory. He is currently studying drafting with his uncle on Federation Outpost Avalon; recreational activities consist of martial arts and swimming.”

Spock frowned as he said, “Fascinating.”

McCoy rolled his eyes and acerbically replied, “Yes, Mister Spock it is fascinating. Now if you don’t mind I have better things to do.” McCoy waited for a retort from Spock and when one didn’t come McCoy turned around to bait Spock some more; however Spock had already left the room.

******************************************************************************Winston stared nervously over Robin’s shoulder as she pointed to the computer screen in front of her. “Starbase 11 is here. In approximately 24 hours the Enterprise will be…” Robin’s voice trailed off as she grabbed Winton’s arm. “Winston, are you paying attention?”

Winston jumped. “Yes, and don’t do that again.”

Robin sighed, “I’m sorry. Now the Enterprise will need to change course in 24 hours.”

Robin pointed the computer screen again. “If the Enterprise changes to 330 degrees mark 71 degrees we will be locked on the course to the planet where Captain Kirk is.”

Winston’s eyes widened. “Robin, we can’t run a whole starship by ourselves, so what is your idea?”

Robin leaned forward with a smug smile. “The computers will do it for us. I will program the main computer in Auxiliary Control.”

Winston took a deep breath. “Robin, I know you’re talented, but the computers aboard the Enterprise are vast.”

Robin rolled her eyes. “Winston, computers will do anything I tell them to. They’re just machines.”

Winston was starting to get angry. “Alright, Robin, how do you propose to accomplish this great feat?”

Robin got up and stood in front of Winston. “We are going to use your little plan to extract information from Mister Scott.”

“But Robin,” Winston protested.

Robin put her hands on her hips. “Winston, it was your idea and besides I need to concentrate on coming up with a strategy for beating Mister Spock at chess tomorrow.”

Mister Scott whistled a Scottish Air as he walked to his quarters. It was a relief to be out of engineering. The atmosphere was too depressing. Scotty sighed. The Enterprise wasn’t the same without her Captain.” Scotty stopped and patted the wall. “You miss your Captain, don’t you lass?” Once inside his quarters Scotty noticed a bottle of Scotch sitting on his desk. Curiously Scotty read the note that lay beside the bottle.

Dear Mister Scott,

I have watched you for a long time and I admire you. Perhaps we could have dinner tonight. I will stop by your quarters after I get off duty tonight.

Yours Truly, Ensign Myra

Scotty sighed. “Aye, Myra,” he said as he poured himself a Scotch and waited for Myra. Scotty must have fallen asleep for he jerked awake when his door buzzer rang. Scotty hastily straightened his uniform as he stood up. “Come in,” Scotty said. His charming smile faded when he saw Winston. “Laddie, what are you doing here?”

Winston lowered his head. “Sorry to bother you, Mister Scott, but I couldn’t sleep. My uncle was an engineer and he told me all kinds of stories about you and the Enterprise. I just thought that if you weren’t asleep that we might you know, talk…,” Winston said as his voice trailed off into silence.

Scotty tried to focus on Winston; however Winston’s figure kept blurring out of shape. “I only had one Scotch,” Scotty thought and he shook his head in order to clear up the fuzziness in his brain. “Aye, laddie you can stay, but I’m expecting a lady friend, so when she comes you will need to well you know, leave.”

Winston laughed. The sound was loud and grating to Scotty’s ears. “Don’t worry Mister Scott when your lady friend comes I will leave.” Winston said as he plopped himself onto the end of Scotty’s bed. “Mister Scott, tell me about the time Mister Spock stole the Enterprise to take Captain Pike to Talos IV.”

Scotty shook his head. “I can’t tell ya lad. It’s classified; however I feel that for some reason I can tell you. Mister Spock did some fine computer programming, laddie.”

Winston leaned forward. “Was it difficult?”

Scotty chuckled; he was starting to feel very talkative. “Well, yes and no. If you’re familiar with computer code it’s a piece of cake.”

Winston smiled Robin would be pleased. “Can you explain it to me, Mister Scott?”

Scotty shrugged his shoulders as he got up and weaved across the room. “I’ll be happy to tell you all about it just let me get another Scotch.”

Winston moved to steady Mister Scott, “Mister Scott, I think you’ve had enough.”

Scotty stared at Winston with a hurt expression. “Laddie, I’ve only had one Scotch and besides a Scotsman that can’t hold his liquor is no Scotsman at all. Now let’s sit down and talk about Mister Spock’s sabotage.”

Winston smiled as he intently listened to Mister Scott as he babbled out each stage of the whole sabotage event.

Ensign Chekov and Lieutenant Uhura stood on the bridge talking in low whispers. They stopped talking as Lieutenant Sulu approached.

“Sulu,” Uhura gasped, “Did you hear the news about Scotty?”

Sulu casually tilted his head to one side. “I heard that Mister Scott got drunk last night and didn’t report for duty this morning. He’s being questioned by Mister Spock right now.”

Chekov glanced at Uhura. “He’s obviously heard.”

Uhura shook her head. “I just can’t believe Mister Scott would do such a thing.”

Sulu stepped into the command chair. “I know it’s hard to believe. Meanwhile Mister Spock has put me in command, while he is debriefing Mister Scott.” Sulu paused, “Then he informed me that he had a very important chess match to attend to.”

Uhura and Chekov stared at Sulu as if he had jumped up and started singing. Sulu gently took Chekov’s and Uhura’s arms. “I don’t know what’s going on, but we must stick together. Captain Kirk would want that, so back to your stations.”

Uhura and Chekov smiled through their tears. “Aye Sir,” they answered in unison as each officer when to their respective station.

 

 

 


	9. Chapter 9 Strategy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock calmly looked in the direction that McCoy was pointing. “Doctor, I have reason to believe that some of the children are planning some sort of sabotage.”  
> McCoy snorted. “You must be joking. Perhaps, I should test your system for traces of drugs, Spock.”  
> Spock raised an incredulous eyebrow at McCoy. “Doctor, I assure you that will not be necessary, and I am not joking.”  
> McCoy chuckled sarcastically. “Heaven forbid that a Vulcan should be joking. It would be the end of civilization as we know it.”  
> Spock sighed. “Really Doctor, I see no logical reason why you are reacting in such an incredulous manner. Children have taken over the Enterprise before.”

Kirk didn’t want to wake up. He wanted the nostalgic dream to continue. Actually, it was more of a memory than a dream. Closing his eyes Kirk remembered. It was summer and he was nine years old. Kirk had lain in bed listening to his parents argue. Not wanting to listen anymore he snuck out of his bedroom window into the sultry night. Feeling the need to hide from his fears he ran and hid in the barn. High in the hay loft Kirk felt safe. He nestled down in the hay and thought about all the things he didn’t understand. Kirk listened to the crickets singing and for some reason their chirping made him feel better.

“Jimmy?”

Kirk looked out from his hiding place and saw his father’s silhouette against the moonlight. “I’m up here, Dad.”

Kirk’s father slowly climbed the ladder until his face was level with his son’s. Playfully he reached up and grabbed Kirk’s head. Kirk laughed and wriggled away.  They both shook with laughter as they wrestled in the hay.

“Alright,” Kirk panted, “I give up.” Together they both collapsed. Kirk snuggled close to his father and held him tight. “You’re going away, aren’t you?”

Kirk’s father roared with laughter. “How did you know I was going?”

Kirk shrugged. “You and Mom always fight before you leave.”

Kirk’s father looked down and studied his hands. “I’m sorry, Jimmy. I know it’s rough on you and Sam, but someday you all are going to live on a star-base. We will be able to see each other all the time.”

Kirk nodded his head in the darkness. “Yea, Dad, that’ll be great.”

Kirk’s father pulled away from his son’s grasp. “I’ve got to go in and try to patch things up with your Mother. Are you coming back to the house?”

Kirk shook his head. “No, Dad I’m going to stay out here.”

“Alright, Jimmy, goodnight and I love you.”

Kirk watched his father’s retreating figure. His father paused in the doorway of the barn, not to look back, but to gaze at the beauty of the stars. Kirk watched his father until his eye lids became heavy with sleep. Once asleep Kirk dreamed about what it would be like to live on a star-base.

Kirk awoke the next morning to the sound of his Mother’s voice. “Jimmy, are you going to sleep up there all day?”

Kirk sat up and rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. His Mother stood at the bottom of the loft with his brother Sam. Kirk bounded down to the ground in one leap. His Mother laughed as she plucked bits of hay from his hair. Her expression sobered when she observed Kirk’s small, dirty, tear-streaked face. Without a word she reached over and held him close. Kirk reveled in his Mother’s love, for he knew that his Father’s star-bound promises were something he couldn’t grasp. They weren’t real.

Scotty stood at attention before Mister Spock. “Mister Scott,” Spock began, “Are you aware that failure to show up for duty due to intoxication is a serious offense.”

Scotty hung his head in misery. “Aye, Sir.”

Spock clasped his hands behind his back. “Perhaps, you would like to explain Mister Scott.”

Scotty looked up from his humiliating posture. “Well, Sir I only hand one scotch. I was waiting for a lady friend, who had left a note saying she wanted to have dinner with me.  I took a few sips of the scotch and the next thing I knew I was half asleep and one of the children was talking my ear off. I must have dozed off for when I woke up I had a dry mouth and the worst headache I’ve ever had in my life. Tis all I can remember Mister Spock, and as daft as it may sound it tis the truth.”

Spock steepled his fingers together in front of him, he was perplexed. “I have no doubt that your story is true, Mister Scott, however the fact remains that there is no note, and no scotch bottle.”

Scotty shrugged his shoulders in defeat. “I have no idea what happened to them. I don’t even remember who I talked to.”

Spock brought his hands down from their prayer like position and clasped them behind his back. “Mister Scott, I think it would be wise if you stopped by sick-bay to see if you could have possibly been drugged.”

Scotty glanced at Spock with a puzzled frown. “Drugged, Mister Spock?”

A few moments later in sick-bay.

“Drugged?” McCoy echoed as he paced back and forth in front of Spock. He was fuming. “Mister Spock, I have already tested Mister Scott for drugs and I have found nothing except small traces of alcohol and another thing why do I have two security muscle men in sick-bay?”

Spock calmly looked in the direction that McCoy was pointing. “Doctor, I have reason to believe that some of the children are planning some sort of sabotage.”

McCoy snorted. “You must be joking. Perhaps, I should test your system for traces of drugs, Spock.”

Spock raised an incredulous eyebrow at McCoy. “Doctor, I assure you that will not be necessary, and I am not joking.”

McCoy chuckled sarcastically. “Heaven forbid that a Vulcan should be joking. It would be the end of civilization as we know it.”

Spock sighed. “Really Doctor, I see no logical reason why you are reacting in such an incredulous manner. Children have taken over the Enterprise before.”

McCoy breathed an exasperated sigh. “I am well aware of that Mister Spock, but I am also aware of the fact that those children were under an alien influence. These children aren’t.” McCoy’s angry expression softened as he looked deep into Spock’s eyes. “Spock,” McCoy said gently. “I know you’re worried about Jim, we all are, but damnit Spock I don’t understand your reasoning. Why and how could a group of small children take over the Enterprise?”

“Doctor, I did not say that all of the children are involved. Perhaps, you would oblige me and run the data on Robin and Winston through the computer again.”

McCoy punched the data discs in the computer with exaggerated force.

“Computer”, Spock asked in a monotone voice?

“Working,” the computer flatly replied.

“Analyze all intelligence data on Winston Westmore Jr. and Robin Kessler.”

The computer clicked for a few moments and then answered, “Analyzed.”

“Computer, is it possible for both of these children that you have analyzed to reprogram the destination of the Enterprise?” Spock asked.

McCoy and Spock waited as the computer whirled and clicked.

“Affirmative,” the computer’s mechanical answer broke into the silence.

McCoy shrugged his shoulders in a gesture of surrender. “Alright, so Robin and Winston could reprogram the destination of the Enterprise. Why, would they want to do something like that?”

Spock nodded. “Doctor, I know why and I have no intention of finding out how.” Spock said calmly as he left sick-bay without another word.

“Spock,” McCoy yelled, “Come back here and explain. Spock?” McCoy shouted angrily at the closed door Spock had just passed through. “Damn that green blooded bastard,” he muttered.

Robin frowned over the three-dimensional chess board. Spock was a difficult opponent and Robin had to win.  She had to be calm like Saben had taught her. Spock’s moves were skilled and Robin was beginning to doubt whether she could beat him. “If I can’t win this game with logic I will have to resort to inspiration, another words, luck,” Robin thought as she calmly swept her bishop across the board and captured Spock’s knight. After her move Robin watched Spock closely as he studied the board. Spock also appeared to be studying something else. Robin shivered for he was studying her. Hadn’t Saben always told her that a way to know someone was to study their game of chess? “I have to lose, “Robin thought, “and I have to lose royally.”

The once intense chess game turned into an all-out slaughter as Robin played like a childish novice and lost. “I guess I wasn’t as good as I thought I was,” Robin apologized. A sympathetic crew member that had been watching the game patted Robin on the shoulder.  Without acknowledgement Robin jumped up from her chair. Instead of looking bewildered like most people who played and lost to Spock, Robin looked victorious. One by one crewmembers began to disperse, for the excitement was over.

“Robin, may I speak to you for a moment?”  Spock asked.

Robin smiled into Spock’s intense gaze and said, “Why sure Mister Spock.”

Spock led her away from the chattering crewmembers. “Why did you intentionally lose?”

Robin glanced up at Spock with wide-eyed innocence. “I guess I lost my concentration.”

Spock raised an eyebrow, but said nothing as Robin began to walk towards the exit of the recreation center. “Is there anything else you wanted to discuss, Mister Spock?” Robin asked casually.

Spock’s brown eyes burrowed into Robin’s hazel ones as he spoke intently, “Robin, do not attempt anything dangerous. The Captain is still alive and he will be rescued soon enough.”

Winston interrupted any further attempt at conversation as he spoke, “Robin, I must say that I am disappointed. You didn’t play up to your usual standard, but I guess you tried so that’s what matters, right?”

Robin glared at Winston. “Thanks, that makes me feel a lot better.”

Winston grinned. “I’m glad,” he said as he glanced over to the other side of the room. “We’ve got to go; Nurse Chapel’s waiting for us.”

Robin turned to face Spock, “Good-bye, Mister Spock,” Robin said solemnly.

Spock answered in a tone that matched Robin’s, “Good-bye, Robin.”

Robin looked away from Spock’s troubled gaze, wishing she could confide in him.

 

 

 

 

 


	10. Mirrors and Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A chilling voice filled the room. “James T. Kirk, your selfish and petty desires have destroyed everything you once held dear. You are alone.”  
> “No,” Kirk screamed again.  
> “Is James T. Kirk guilty or not guilty?” A voice asked as the mirror showed an image of Spock’s torn body.  
> Kirk felt rage boil up inside him. “James T. Kirk is worthy of death,” he shouted.  
> “Are you prepared to purge his existence?” The voice asked again.  
> “Yes,” Kirk answered softly.  
> Suddenly Kirk felt himself lying on a stone slab. This time Kirk no longer struggled against the leather straps that held him. Instead he lay there thinking how pleasant it was to feel nothing. No pain. No sorrow. No guilt. No James T Kirk. Kirk smiled as he fell into a deep sleep.

Robin’s head ached as she furrowed her brows in thought. The two security officers outside of sick-bay were going to be a problem.

“Robin,” Winston whispered.

Robin whirled around. “What is it?” She hissed.

“Robin, I’m sorry if I startled you, but how are we going to get out of here? There are two security officers outside of sick-bay.”

Robin rolled her eyes, “Don’t you think I know that, Winston? I’m working on it.”

Winston nervously glanced over his shoulder. “Well, Robin you had better think quickly. We are running out of time.”

“Winston, I know,” Robin said as she paced around the room. Suddenly, she stopped. “Winston, aren’t you pretty good friends with Nurse Chapel?”

Winston looked confused. “Well, yes, but what does that…”

Robin hastily interrupted. “Winston, do you think you could find out where the sedatives are?”

Winston raised an eyebrow. “Really Robin, I don’t think what you’re thinking will work.” As Robin glared at Winston with hostility, he laughed. “Alright, I’ll try to find out. Is there anything else you want me to charm out of sick-bay personal?”

Robin grinned at Winston. “Yes, when you find out what is used as a safe sedative for humans get some of it, enough for two.”

Winston raised both eyebrows. “Alright, but I think you are overestimating my persuasive powers.” For a moment Winston paused in front of Robin, as she went back to studying the plans of the enterprise’s computer layout. “Robin, is it really so important that we do this?”

Robin looked up into Winston’s eyes. “Winston, you’ve known me for a long time. Must you still continue to ask?”

“Alright, Robin,” Winston sighed. “I just hope you know what we’re getting into.” He paused. “Oh, don’t let Doctor McCoy see what you’re reading. He might tell Mister Spock.”

Robin’s smile faded as Winston walked away. She was worried, for she would never forgive herself if something happened to Winston.

Lieutenant Nivka frowned as she ran her tri-recorder readings through the computer for a third time. She sighed. She was beginning to hate the Enterprise and everyone aboard her. Instantly she recoiled from her own thoughts. It was just the nightmares and her worry over Jim that was making her thoughts irrational. Taking a deep breath Tatiana tried to calm the inner turmoil that ragged within her. “Mister Spock,” Lieutenant Nivka began,” my tri-recorder must have been malfunctioning the day the Captain disappeared, due to the fact that before I was struck to the ground my tri-recorder registered an abnormal amount of energy generating from underneath the ground. I’ve never seen anything like it.”

Spock calmly observed Lieutenant Nivka as she ran her tri-recorder data through the computer for a fourth time. “Lieutenant, the security detail’s tri-recorders also registered abnormal energy levels as well.”

Lieutenant Nivka’s eyes widened. “Mister Spock, do you realize what you’re saying? If this energy level is not a natural phenomenon, it represents a technology far beyond ours. The ship’s scanners did pick up anything like it.”

Spock raised an eyebrow and slightly nodded his head at the same time. The gesture was so Vulcan, and so human that Tatiana would have been tempted to laugh under different circumstances. “Yes, Lieutenant, I am aware of the possibilities. I am also aware of the fact that the Vulcan science vessel is no longer in existence, or it has been captured. The Enterprise was allowed to leave, therefore, we must assume that the Captain is alive and has fulfilled some sort of purpose.”

Lieutenant Nivka folded her arms across her computer consul. “That thought gives me hope and I hope you’re right, Mister Spock.”

Spock stiffened as the pain that had plagued him since Jim’s disappearance, attacked him. It was an aching emptiness that felt like a loss of everything he had known. If Kirk was suffering through this pain then Spock must try to mentally send encouragement to Jim. Without warning, Spock was flung against the wall like a rag doll.

“Mister Spock, are you alright?” Lieutenant Nivka asked as she rushed over to where Spock lay.

Spock stood up and steadied himself. “Yes, I am quite alright Lieutenant.”

Lieutenant Nivka stood beside Spock and shivered, for she had seen the terror in Spock’s eyes. Although Spock remained calm, Lieutenant Nivka was paralyzed with fear. What sort of evil stalked the corridors of the Enterprise?

Robin looked at Winston and swallowed. “You know what to do. Are you ready?”

Winston smiled as he handed Robin a hypo-spray. “As ready as I’ll ever be,” he answered.

“How long does the drug last?” Robin asked as she curiously turned the hypo-spray over in her hands.

Winston shrugged. “How should I know? I barely got the stuff smuggled out.”

Robin bit her lower lip. “Great,” she whispered. “Oh well, I guess it can’t be helped. Let’s go.”

The doors to sick-bay swished open as Winston and Robin stepped into the corridor.

“Hold it,” a young security officer barked as Winston turned around in feigned surprise.

Winston smiled. “Oh, hello, I was just going to take my friend for a walk. She’s feeling a bit ill.”

The young officer looked stern, yet sympathetic. “Under no circumstance is anyone to leave sick-bay except authorized personal. I’m sorry; it’s Mister Spock’s orders.”

Robin leaned heavily against Winston, and then collapsed. The two security officers ran to assist her. Gently one of them knelt down and picked her up and carried back into sick-bay. Suddenly, Robin reached up and grabbed the security officer’s phaser, set it on stun and fired. “Help,” Robin shouted as the other officer ran towards her.  When the officer got into range Robin fired the phaser again.

Winston looked pale and shaken. “Good lord, you’ve killed them.”

“Don’t be ridiculous, Winston. My phaser was only set for a heavy stun. Come on, hand me the hypo-sprays.” Winston turned his head as Robin jabbed the hypo-sprays into each officer’s neck. She then reached down and grabbed the other security officer’s phaser and handed it to Winston. “Come on, we’ve got to get to auxiliary control.  You know what to do,” Robin as she studied Winston’s face for any sign of weakness. His expression remained impassive under her scrutiny.

“Satisfied?” Winston asked grinning.

Robin curtly nodded her head in acknowledgement.

Kirk had been walking for what seemed like hours. The landscape around him never changed. There was always lush, green, terrain on his right, and rugged desert on his left. Kirk stopped for a moment and scanned the horizon and for the first time he noticed a small house in the distance. It was precariously balanced between the two landscapes and for some reason Kirk felt elated. Perhaps, this was what he was searching for. In desperation he ran towards his destiny.

A few moments later, Kirk stood in front of a white, stone, house. From far away it had appeared small, but in reality it was huge and overpowering. In front of the house stood a beautiful woman, her long blonde hair hung gracefully over her shoulders. “James Tiberius Kirk, welcome to the house of mirrors,” the woman said.

Even though the woman’s voice was soft and familiar, it terrified Kirk. “I am not Kirk,” he whispered.

Her crystal, blue eyes bored into his. “Of course,” she laughed. “You’ve come here to purge yourself of the infestation of James T. Kirk.”

Kirk felt shivers run up and down his spine. “Yes,” he replied flatly.

“Very good,” she purred. “Come with me.”

Kirk followed her into the house. It was lined from floor to ceiling with mirrors. Kirk could see his reflection distorted many times. Kirk looked into the first of the mirrors. His reflection shimmered for a moment, and then vanished. It its place he saw a field with tall grass. A small boy ran through the grass screaming.  Kirk shivered. It was a nightmare he had since childhood.

“Daddy,” the boy screamed, “Come home.”

A handsome, muscular man stood at the edge of the field. “Jimmy, don’t be afraid.”

The boy squeezed his eyes shut in terror. “Daddy, the earth is flat. You’ll fall off the edge. Come home.”

The man laughed. “Jimmy, the earth is round.” He pointed towards the night sky. “See the beautiful stars?” The man said smiling as the brilliance of the moon and stars were reflected in his eyes.

The little boy fell to the ground sobbing. For he knew he would never be able to save his father from the evil vessel that reached out its tentacles to destroy the ship his father was on. In an instant his father, George, would be gone. Quickly the boy got up and began to run. He had to try and save his father. The boy caught up to his father and hurled himself into the man’s arms. However, he was too late, for with an eerie shriek his father’s ship exploded into a million pieces. George Kirk had disappeared in a ball of fire that faded into the endless night.

Kirk gazed at the mirror in despair as tears ran down his cheeks. The loneliness he had felt as a child overwhelmed him. He felt empty, and drained. For a moment Kirk lifted his head sensing that someone shared his pain, and then nothing. He was alone in the house of mirrors.

With apathy Kirk’s watery, hazel eyes took in the next image. A young star-fleet officer sat next to a woman holding her hand.

“Jim, it’s not going to work for us. You don’t want compromise. You want to explore the stars. You want me to follow you from star-base to star-base. I can’t be something I’m not. I’m sorry Jim.” The young woman said as she sadly smiled. “It’s better this way.” She then reached for the young Kirk’s face and kissed him gently on the lips. The young cadet stared after her in bewilderment, but made no move to stop her.

Kirk stared at the image and smiled. The mirror shimmered again as images of the love Kirk had rejected for the Enterprise played out before him. Kirk closed his eyes. It was too much to bear. The things he had sworn never to do, or become had overtaken him. “I’m just like my father,” he thought, “never giving a damn for anyone or anything but the stars and the Enterprise.” Kirk smiled for in his mind he could hear the comforting hum of the Enterprise. “Where are you?” He whispered aloud.

As if in answer to his question an image of the Enterprise appeared in the mirror. She moved with magnificent grace. Kirk looked upon her as a proud father looks upon a child. Then suddenly she exploded into a million fragments.

“No,” Kirk screamed,”Spock,Bones, noooooooo.”  

A chilling voice filled the room. “James T. Kirk, your selfish and petty desires have destroyed everything you once held dear. You are alone.”

“No,” Kirk screamed again.

“Is James T. Kirk guilty or not guilty?” A voice asked as the mirror showed an image of Spock’s torn body.

Kirk felt rage boil up inside him. “James T. Kirk is worthy of death,” he shouted.

“Are you prepared to purge his existence?” The voice asked again.

“Yes,” Kirk answered softly.

Suddenly Kirk felt himself lying on a stone slab. This time Kirk no longer struggled against the leather straps that held him. Instead he lay there thinking how pleasant it was to feel nothing. No pain. No sorrow. No guilt. No James T Kirk. Kirk smiled as he fell into a deep sleep.

Winston began to feel small cramps shoot up and down his legs. In vain he tried to reposition himself. “Robin, how long have we been here?” He whispered.

“Ssh, you could mess up the whole plan. In answer to your first question, ten minutes.” Robin grabbed Winston’s arm. “They just changed shifts and there’s only a skeleton crew running auxiliary control now. Come on, let’s move.”

Quietly Robin and Winston walked through to where a crewman stood next to a panel. Sensing their presence he whirled around. When he saw Winston and Robin he quickly ran over to an intercom. “Authorized personnel….,” He stopped in mid-sentence and smiled. “What are you two children up to?” He chuckled. “Rumor has it that you two kids played a joke on Mister Scott.”

A sly smiled played on Robin’s lips as she drew her phaser and fired.

The bridge of the Enterprise hummed in harmony, then faltered. She now hummed a different tune. Sulu sighed as he checked the navigation console.  He frowned. “Mister Spock, the ship’s just changed course.”

Spock gracefully jumped out of the command chair. “Override, Mister Sulu,” Spock ordered.

Sulu shook his head. “I can’t Mister Spock. All override systems are malfunctioning.”

Spock’s countermand went unspoken as the doors of the bridge swished open. Robin and Winston walked in with phasers drawn. As Mister Spock reached for a button on his consul, Robin spoke. “I wouldn’t advise that Mister Spock. Any attempt to override navigation will cut off life-support systems.”

Mister Chekov looked up from Spock’s science post. “She’s right, Mister Spock.”

McCoy’s frantic voice cut into the heavy silence. “What the hell’s going on up there? Spock, I’ve got two unconscious security officers and the doors to sick-bay won’t open. I’ve already tried the manual override. Now if doors had doorknobs like they used to well…”

Spock sighed. “Doctor, I hardly think that the lack of doorknobs has any significance on our current situation.”

The bridge doors suddenly swished open, admitting two security officers.

“Winston, look out,” Robin yelled as she ran to protect him.

The younger of the two officers instinctively aimed at Robin and fired. Robin hardly felt the phaser beam as it hit her full force. Winston watched in horror as Robin tumbled over the bridge railing. Uhura was the first to reach Robin and she gently pressed her slender fingers against Robin’s throat. Uhura looked up into Spock’s eyes. “I can’t find a pulse, Mister Spock,” she said softly.

Spock knelt next to where Robin lay. “Lieutenant Uhura, contact security. Tell them to get the doors to sick-bay open as soon as possible.”

Winston took Robin’s hand in his own as Spock frantically searched for a pulse. “Robin, can you hear me?” Winston asked.

Spock tore a piece of material from his uniform. In vain he tried to staunch the blood that flowed freely from a deep gash in Robin’s forehead.


	11. Nightmares

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock leaned forward in the command chair. “Open hailing frequencies, Lieutenant Uhura.” Spock waited for a few moments then spoke when Uhura gave him the go ahead. “This is Mister Spock, first officer in command of the U.S.S. Enterprise. May we inquire about the welfare of our Captain?”  
> The woman smiled again. “In time all will be revealed, Mister Spock. For now you will cooperate, or you and your Captain will be destroyed. Your ship will be blown to bits as the Vulcan Science Vessel was. We will communicate with you in five of your solar hours.”  
> McCoy folded his arms across his chest. “Well, Mister Spock, what are you going to do?”  
> “Doctor, it seems that for the moment we have no choice but to comply.”  
> McCoy glared at Spock and then stormed off the bridge.

Kirk was no longer afraid. He sat in a small space-dock café smiling into the eyes of the woman who sat opposite him.

“Jim, I am so happy. I find your 23rd Century so peaceful.” The woman’s voice was soft and caressing.

Kirk smiled as a dreamy, contented look came into his eyes. “Yes, I know,” he answered gently. Kirk reached out and began to stroke the woman’s hand. “Dearest Edith, who would have thought I would have found you here in this place of terror?” Kirk suddenly felt cold as the realization dawned on him that this place was not home and this woman was not Edith. “I don’t have the ability to reason anymore,” Kirk thought as he stood up abruptly, knocking over his chair. “I have to go,” he said harshly. Kirk then sighed with a mixture of regret and sorrow as the scene disappeared before him. He closed his eyes as another scene appeared before him. Even before Kirk opened his eyes, he knew that he was on the desert path again. It was hot and yet Kirk felt he had been here before. Kirk blinked his eyes several times as sweat poured down his face. Suddenly Spock stood before him. “Spock?” Kirk asked softly as tears formed in his eyes. “Is it really you?”

Spock raised an eyebrow. “Yes, Captain. Who else would it be?”

Kirk laughed. “I thought you were dead. I thought I killed you.”

Spock cocked his head to one side. “Captain, we are only illusions. Therefore, it is illogical to assume that either of us is alive.”

Kirk felt frightened and confused. This conversation didn’t sound like Spock. “Where am I, Spock?” Kirk asked.

Spock pointed. Kirk slowly looked to where Spock was pointing. An image of a hospital room shimmered into view. A man lay on a stone slab in the middle of the room. He was dead. Kirk was seeing his own death face to face. “Spock,” Kirk whispered, “What’s happening?”

Spock looked at Kirk with distaste. “Does seeing the physical death of your own existence disturb you so much? The essence of James T. Kirk is dead. You killed him yourself.”

Kirk swallowed. “What of you? Are you also dead?”

Spock sighed as a look of extreme cruelty marred his normally placid features. “Your finite concepts bore me, Jim. They are illogical. You are nothing now,” Spock sneered. “But then perhaps your egotistical mind cannot accept the facts.” Spock chuckled. “Live long and prosper.”

Kirk looked around him. He was alone in the swirling sand of the desert. Kirk sank to the ground in despair. “Spock,” he whispered, “Surely there is some bond of friendship left between us. Surely you can still feel my thoughts. Is the essence of James T. Kirk truly gone?”

Spock stood beside Doctor McCoy as he read the vital signs above Robin’s bed. McCoy took a deep breath. “Well, I think she’s going to pull through. Robin’s a fighter. Although she probably wouldn’t have had a chance if you hadn’t carried her down yourself, Spock. You were pretty impressive.”

Spock’s attention wavered. He closed his eyes as a haunted voice came unbidden into his thoughts. “Spock, surely there is some bond of friendship left. Surely, you can still feel my thoughts. Is the essence of James T. Kirk truly gone?”

“Spock,” McCoy’s harsh voice broke into Spock’s thoughts. Spock leaned heavily against the wall. McCoy ignored Vulcan protocol and grabbed his arm. “Spock, are you alright?”

Spock sharply drew in his breath. “Yes, Doctor I am quite well. Please keep me informed of Robin’s condition. I will be on the bridge.”

“Spock, what is it? What’s wrong?” McCoy asked. His blue eyes were full of concern.

Spock glanced back at him. For a moment the Vulcan’s eyes were full of pain. Spock blinked and his eyes resumed their normal calm expression. “Doctor, I cannot tell you what I do not know myself. I am not in possession of all the facts.”

“Damn the facts, Spock. I want to know what’s going on.” McCoy snapped.

Spock arched an eyebrow. “Doctor, I must reply that it is none of your business.”

McCoy’s eyes bulged. “Spock, I must remind you that as chief medical officer I could relieve you of duty.”

Spock raised a calm eyebrow at McCoy’s angry, contorted expression. “Doctor, then I suggest you do so. Idle threats are illogical.”

“Damn it, Spock,” McCoy huffed as he rushed to keep up with Spock’s retreating figure.

Sulu scanned his instruments with a worried frown. He barely looked up when Spock and McCoy entered the bridge area. McCoy was silent, as Spock chose to ignore his presence.

“Mister Sulu, what is our present course?” Spock asked.

“We’re assuming orbit around the planet where the Captain disappeared.” Sulu replied.

Suddenly, a beautiful woman with long, blonde hair appeared on the main viewing screen. She smiled thinly. “Welcome Enterprise.”

Spock leaned forward in the command chair. “Open hailing frequencies, Lieutenant Uhura.” Spock waited for a few moments then spoke when Uhura gave him the go ahead. “This is Mister Spock, first officer in command of the U.S.S. Enterprise. May we inquire about the welfare of our Captain?”

The woman smiled again. “In time all will be revealed, Mister Spock. For now you will cooperate, or you and your Captain will be destroyed. Your ship will be blown to bits as the Vulcan Science Vessel was. We will communicate with you in five of your solar hours.”

McCoy folded his arms across his chest. “Well, Mister Spock, what are you going to do?”

“Doctor, it seems that for the moment we have no choice but to comply.”

McCoy glared at Spock and then stormed off the bridge.

Tatiana made her way to the recreation room. She was so tired. Terrifying nightmares had haunted her for nights now. Tatiana hardly noticed when she collided into Lieutenant Uhura. Tatiana mumbled an apology and then turned to leave. Uhura placed a hand on her arm.

“Lieutenant Nivka, are you alright?” Uhura asked.

The unexpected show of compassion made Tatiana burst into tears. “We’re going to my quarters,” Uhura whispered. “Keep your head up until then.”

Once inside Uhura’s quarters Tatiana regained some of her composure. “I’m really sorry, Lieutenant Uhura, I must have seemed hysterical.”

Uhura sat on the bed next to Tatiana and patted her hand. “You didn’t seem hysterical in the least, and by the way call me Uhura.”

Tatiana smiled. “You’re so kind, Uhura. I thought I was going to sit down on the floor and cry.”

Uhura nodded in understanding. “The last couple of days I’ve felt like doing the same. Now,” Uhura said with mock sternness, “Suppose you tell me why a scientist who studied on Vulcan for years is acting so illogical?”

Tatiana doubled over with laughter. “You sounded just like Mister Spock. Oh, Uhura I feel better already.” After her laughter subsided Tatiana began to pace. “I’ve wanted to talk to someone for days, but I was too embarrassed. It all seems so ridiculous.” Tatiana glanced at Uhura’s reassuring face and continued on. “I’ve been having these terrible nightmares about the Captain. They’re not just manifestations of my fears for his safety. They’re…” She paused. “They’re as real as if I were there with him.” Tatiana shut her eyes in an effort to banish the terrifying images. “In my dreams the Captain is always alone. Then Spock was in one of them and he was so cruel to Jim…I mean the Captain. All through the dream Spock taunted the Captain unmercifully.” Tatiana stopped pacing and sat on the bed next to Uhura. “In my last dream the Captain no longer existed.”

Uhura leaned close to Tatiana. “You mean he was dead?” She whispered.

Tatiana shook her head. “He wasn’t dead. It was as if he…,” she paused for the right words. “It was as if he had no consciousness. He was physically alive, but mentally he was dead.”

Uhura took Tatiana’s hand in her own, “May I give you some advice?” Uhura asked gently.

Tatiana smiled. “Of course.”

“Good, now Tatiana you must listen to me. I don’t think you’re crazy, but you must go see Doctor McCoy.”

Tatiana shook her head. “I can’t. He blames me for the Captain’s disappearance.”

Uhura laughed. “Doctor McCoy’s bark is worse that his bite. He is very close to the Captain. People don’t often consider each other’s feelings when they’re worried about someone they care about.”

Tatiana nodded. “Thanks, Uhura. You’d think I was a child by the way I’ve been acting.”

Uhura gave her a sympathetic look. “You’ve been under a lot of pressure lately, and you’re human, not Vulcan.”

Uhura helped Tatiana up and gave her a hug. “Now go see Doctor McCoy, and if he gives you any trouble, tell him to behave or else.”

Tatiana laughed. “Alright Uhura I’ll tell him and thanks for the advice.”

McCoy sat in his office and reached for the Saurian brandy decanter. A knock at the door stopped him in mid-action. “Come in,” McCoy drawled.  He frowned when Tatiana walked into his office. “She’s the last person I want to see,” McCoy thought as he looked longingly back at the brandy. “Well, what is it?” McCoy snapped.

   



	12. Brothers to the Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kirk ignored him and stood before Spock. “Are you my brother, my friend?” Kirk asked with a slight hesitation.  
> “Yes,” Spock answered.  
> Kirk smiled. “Good, then you will stand with me.” Kirk said as he took Spock’s hand in his own and raised it to the sky. A flash of blue light streaked down their arms as they vanished.

Tatiana fidgeted in front of Doctor McCoy and then smiled. “I was wondering if I might speak with you for a moment.”

McCoy leaned forward in his chair. “If it’s medical advice you need that’s what I’m here for.”

“Well,” Tatiana hesitated, “I’ve been having these dreams about the Captain. In these dreams the Captain has no consciousness. He’s alive physically, but dead mentally. Mister Spock was also in one of the dreams. He was so cruel and vicious. He said awful things to the Captain.” Tatiana rushed on. “Yet the Captain was always concerned about Spock’s welfare. In the dreams he thought he was responsible for Spock’s death. It was awful.” Tatiana swallowed several times as she tried to fight down tears.

McCoy stood up and put a steady arm around her. “It’s been rough on you and I haven’t made it any easier,” McCoy said gently as he led Tatiana to a bed in sick-bay. “Lie down and rest now, Doctor’s orders.” McCoy said as he patted her hand and then briskly walked to a wall-signal. “Spock,” McCoy hissed. “This is McCoy, get down here immediately.”

McCoy could almost hear Spock’s sharp intake of breath. “Is Robin…”

McCoy sighed. “Robin’s fine. It’s something else, now get down here.”

Spock sighed. McCoy wasn’t sure if it was from relief or exasperation. “Then what is the problem, Doctor?”

“Never mind the problem. Just get down here,” McCoy ordered.  As McCoy disconnected his transmission with Spock he felt uneasy. Jim had talked about dreams just before he had beamed down to the planet’s surface. He had a haunted look in his eyes. It was the same look McCoy saw in Tatiana’s face. It was also the same look that had briefly appeared several times in Spock’s eyes. McCoy looked up sharply as Spock entered the room. “Spock, the time has come to spill the beans.”

Spock furrowed his brows in concentration. “Spill the beans, Doctor?”

Doctor McCoy went and stood beside Tatiana’s bed. “Lieutenant Nivka, inform Mister Spock about the dreams you’ve been having.”

Tatiana looked self-conscious for a moment and then began. “Well, I’ve been having dreams about the Captain being mentally dead.” She hesitated and glanced at McCoy. He nodded reassuringly. “You were also in them Mister Spock. You were cruel and you despised the Captain.”

McCoy marveled at Alex’s self-control as she calmly shrugged her shoulders. “That’s all I can remember. The dreams are so disturbing.”

Spock nodded his head. “Very understandable, Lieutenant.”

McCoy smiled gleefully. “Well, Mister Spock, it’s your turn to spill.”

Spock looked at McCoy in annoyance. “I too have had images of the Captain in great mental distress.”

McCoy’s expression sobered as he looked at Spock. “Well, since we’re all divulging secrets, I might as well tell you mine. I haven’t had dreams, but just before Jim beamed down to the planet, he made me promise not to let Spock beam down to the planet’s surface.”

Spock raised an eyebrow, “You might have told me earlier, Doctor.”

McCoy glared over at Spock, “Damn it, Spock…”

Mister Scott’s voice over the intercom interrupted what would have most certainly turned into an argument. “Mister Spock, you’d better get up here. The ship’s being controlled again, and the ship’s sensors are picking up a high energy reading.”

“I will be on the bridge in a moment, Mister Scott. Meanwhile raise the deflector shields.” Spock said as he signed off.

Scotty’s voice crackled over the wall signal, “I can’t raise the shields. I no longer have control over them.”

Tatiana put her head between her hands and moaned. “Doctor, it’s happening again.”

“What’s happening?” McCoy’s frantic voice seemed to coming from inside a tunnel. Then there was nothing but darkness.

Tatiana had always wondered what it would be like to go through a black hole, or what it would be like to go through the deepest part of the ocean. Perhaps, this was what it was like. She felt as if her body was being torn apart in the velvety darkness. Then a rushing, shrill noise blocked out all other thoughts. Tatiana opened her eyes. She lay curled up on a grassy slope. A few meters away Spock helped McCoy to his feet. Tatiana got up and slowly approached them.

“Are you alright, Lieutenant?” Spock asked.

“Yes, I’m fine, Mister Spock,” Tatiana answered.

McCoy rubbed his eyes. “I’ll never complain about the transporter again.”

Spock raised an eyebrow. “That would be most refreshing, Doctor.”

McCoy folded his arms across his chest. “Well, Mister Spock where are we?”

“Doctor, I think it is safe to assume that we are on the surface of the planet where the Captain disappeared.” Spock answered in a monotone voice.

“Really, Mister Spock, I thought we were in Oz,” McCoy sarcastically replied.

Before Spock could retort a beautiful woman stood before them. “Welcome, to the planet of Illusion.”

“Where’s our Captain?” McCoy demanded.

The woman smiled and clapped her hands as James Kirk materialized before them. His hair hung down to his shoulders, and his normally stocky frame was lean and haggard. He looked blankly at McCoy, and then smiled. “Bones?” Kirk asked.

McCoy’s smile was genuine. “Yes, Jim it’s me. Are you alright?”

Kirk looked confused for a moment. “Jim, who is Jim,” Kirk murmured.

McCoy walked up and shook Kirk, “You are Jim. You are Captain James Tiberius Kirk.”

A look of horror distorted Kirk’s normally handsome features. “No, I’m not. James Tiberius kirk is a murderer. He is guilty of death.”

Mister Scott glanced frantically over Chekov’s shoulder. “Can you detect any signs of life, Mister Chekov?”

Chekov frowned. “No, sir, it’s as if the planet was uninhabited.”

Lieutenant Uhura swiveled around in her chair. “Mister Scott, we’re getting a signal from the planet’s surface.”

Scotty frowned. “Open hailing frequencies, Lieutenant.”

A beautiful woman appeared on the front screen. “Enterprise, we have your four crew members. They are safe, and will be returned to you after they have passed a test.”

Scotty mumbled an oath under his breath. “This is Lieutenant Commander Montgomery Scott of the U.S.S. Enterprise and I will use whatever force necessary to get our crew members back.”

The woman’s smile hardened. “Mister Scott, if you do not comply, we will kill all four crew members immediately. This transmission is completed.”

Scotty shook his head as the woman’s image disappeared. “That’s one mean lass, that’s for sure. Chekov see if you can find a weak spot in that force field. We’re not going to take this sitting down that’s for sure.”

Chekov nodded his head. “We have a saying in Russia. If at first you don’t succeed try again.”

Uhura turned around and smiled at Chekov and then frowned. “They also have that saying where I come from.”

Chekov looked puzzled and then shrugged. “It must be a unwersial saying.”

Scotty had to smother a smile in spite of his foul mood.

McCoy stood in front of Kirk and shook him again. “Jim, don’t you know who you are?”

A bewildered expression crossed Kirk’s face. “I don’t understand, Bones.” Shrugging his shoulders Kirk turned to Tatiana. “I remember you. The last time I saw you, you were crying. James Kirk made you sad. Don’t worry; he will be punished for his crimes.” Kirk said as his face molded into a stern and unyielding glare.

Tatiana touched his arm. “James did not mean to hurt me.”

Kirk snarled back at her. “James T. Kirk is worthy of death. He will die.” Kirk then gave Tatiana his most charming smile. “Don’t worry Tatiana. Kirk will die quickly.” Gently Kirk placed his hand in hers. He looked puzzled. “Tatiana, your hand is so warm. You don’t feel cold.”

Tatiana smiled. “That’s because I’m real, Jim.”

Kirk wrenched his hand away. “Enough of this nonsense, it is time for the purification ceremony,” Kirk announced coldly.

McCoy looked sideways at Spock. “How do we know he’s the real Jim?”

A woman appeared before McCoy and handed him a medical scanner like the one’s on the Enterprise. “You make use of his device on you ship, do you not? It is very primitive; you must be more backwards than we anticipated.”

“Thank you, Miss,” McCoy drawled as he took the device from her.

Kirk watched with disinterest as McCoy ran the scanner over him. McCoy sighed. “It’s Jim alright. Well at least physically. Spock, what do you think they did to him?”

Kirk clapped his hands together. “Gentleman, please be quiet.” Kirk said as he pressed his fingers to his temple. “It is time,” he announced.

“Time for what?” McCoy demanded.

Kirk ignored him and stood before Spock. “Are you my brother, my friend?” Kirk asked with a slight hesitation.

“Yes,” Spock answered.

Kirk smiled. “Good, then you will stand with me.” Kirk said as he took Spock’s hand in his own and raised it to the sky. A flash of blue light streaked down their arms as they vanished.

 

 

 

  


  



	13. Unconditional Love

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We want to see a Vulcan react emotionally. When we probed Kirk’s mind we noticed he and Spock were close friends. This friendship did not correspond with the information that we possessed on Vulcans and this inconsistency intrigued us. We wanted to see what Spock’s reaction would be if we were to endanger Kirk’s life. We wanted to see if Spock could be forced to lose control of his emotions.”

Spock felt his stomach churning as he if were falling and even though a thick, swirling darkness surrounded Spock he could still feel Kirk’s terror. Spock tried to project thoughts of calm, but Kirk could not or would not receive them. Then the churning stopped and Spock was alone.

Spock blinked his eyes. He was apparently in some sort of hospital room. A spotlight shone on a stone slab in the middle of the room. Spock looked up as Kirk slowly entered the room. He wore a long, blue robe and his eyes glittered as he stood before Spock. Kirk took Spock’s hands and turned his palms upward. He then closed his eyes as he placed his hands over Spock’s.

“Spock,” Kirk whispered.

Spock drew back in surprise.

“Spock,” Kirk laughed, “Don’t pull away. We can communicate telepathically now. We don’t need words anymore.”

“Fascinating,” Spock thought, “This is stronger than the mind meld.”

“Yes,” Kirk replied. “It is a gift, which I give you my brother, my friend.”

Spock closed his eyes as images of Kirk’s life and thoughts unfolded. His hopes, fears-his very essence were all revealed to Spock in the blink of an eye.

In return Kirk felt the pain of Spock’s childhood. He felt Spock’s loneliness and desperation as Spock fought to control his emotions.

“Spock, it’s alright,” Kirk whispered in Spock’s mind. “I’m here to tell you good-bye Spock, my brother-my friend.”

Spock gasped as he opened his eyes. Kirk lay unmoving on a stone slab and a woman in a long, white, robe asked,” Are you ready, James T. Kirk?”

Kirk nodded and answered back. “Yes, the purification of James T. Kirk will let me rest. I will go to the house of mirrors and all the vile images in my mind will shatter.”

The woman then pulled out a knife from within her robe and plunged it into Kirk’s side. Before Spock could protest he found himself immersed once more in the swirling darkness. When he opened his eyes Spock found himself in a room lined with mirrors. Each image reflected a torment that Kirk had suffered. As the images rolled out in front of Spock he felt a rage that no Vulcan meditation could sooth, boil up inside him.

Spock felt a slight tremor in the foundation of the house of mirrors and braced himself as the shaking increased. The noise of the tremor grew louder and louder as each mirror began to shatter. Shards of glass flew everywhere as Spock ducked to protect himself from the flying glass projectiles. Then as quickly as the tremors started they stopped and the house of fear and pain was gone. Spock looked around and spotted Kirk lying on a grassy slope near his feet. A mournful sound filled the air as the remains of the house of mirrors fell into a giant abyss.

Spock brushed the glass out of his hair and knelt beside Kirk. “Jim?” Spock whispered.

The woman in the long, white robe suddenly reappeared before Spock. Blood dripped from a knife she held in her hand as she raised the knife above Kirk’s body. Spock rushed towards her and knocked the knife out of her hand as he crouched in a self-defense position. The woman ignored Spock as she started out once more for her intended target-Kirk.

Spock tackled the woman towards the ground as his strong, slender fingers closed around her throat. Like a snake she slithered out of his grasp and then she drug Kirk’s limp body through the remaining glass shards towards the abyss. Without hesitation Spock rushed towards her and as Kirk’s tormentor tumbled over the edge of the abyss, Spock made no move to catch her. Spock watched her body as if twisted and turned until she was out of sight and then he bent his head down. His emotional response was humiliating and like so many times before Spock felt unworthy to be a Vulcan. Gently he walked over and lifted Kirk’s battered body from the pile of glass it rested in. Kirk’s body lay at a grotesquely twisted angle and a small trickle of blood ran from his mouth. Spock stood over Kirk like an avenging angel and then he knelt down to where he placed Kirk and even though logically Spock knew Kirk wouldn’t have a pulse his human half desperately searched for one anyway.

McCoy and Tatiana both stared in horror as Kirk and Spock disappeared. “What the hell’s going on?” McCoy shouted as two bald figures in silver robes approached them.

“Doctor McCoy, Lieutenant Nivka, Welcome,” the robed figures announced in unison.

“Talosions or is it Vivians?” McCoy gasped.

The two bald figures glanced at each other. “We are not Talosions or Vivians. We are a combination of both the Talosions and the Vivians. We are the Talvivians. We were banished from Talos years ago.”

“And  just what were you banished for?” McCoy asked warily.

The Talvivians looked at each other. “We were banished because the Talosions and Vivians thought our experiments were too cruel. You see we test different species for emotional responses. We are curious for we have no emotional responses.”

McCoy shivered as he remembered the cruelty of the Vivian experiments. He had almost lost his life to one such experiment. McCoy folded his arms across his chest. “So, you resort to kidnapping to get beings for experimental purposes. In other words you want to see what makes an emotional being tick?” McCoy asked in disgust.

The Talvivans looked at each other. “Yes, Doctor, that is the idea.”

Tatiana came and stood quietly next to McCoy. “How are you going to test us?” She whispered.

The Talvivians replied in unison. “You and Doctor McCoy are here only to observe. Kirk and Spock are the ones to be tested. If they pass all of the tests you will all be free to go.”

“And if they don’t?” McCoy growled.

“You will all be destroyed just as Vulcan Science Vessel was.”

Tatiana tilted her head to one side. “Just what do you want from Kirk and Spock?”

“We want to see a Vulcan react emotionally. When we probed Kirk’s mind we noticed he and Spock were close friends. This friendship did not correspond with the information that we possessed on Vulcans and this inconsistency intrigued us. We wanted to see what Spock’s reaction would be if we were to endanger Kirk’s life. We wanted to see if Spock could be forced to lose control of his emotions.”

“But Spock is half human,” Tatiana replied.

“That makes the game all the more interesting. We want to see which side of Spock will control the other.”

McCoy rolled his eyes and sighed. “Great. Our lives are hanging on Spock’s emotional responses.”

Spock found a faint pulse as he gently lifted Kirk’s head so he could breathe easier. The gurgling sound in the back of Kirk’s throat had diminished slightly as Spock held tightly on to Kirk’s hand to take his mind off of the pain. For Spock knew that humans found this gesture comforting. Spock shivered as he patched up Kirk’s wound with a strip torn from his shirt. It was an illogical act, for Kirk would be dead soon.

Closing his eyes Spock relived Kirk’s last telepathic contact with him. Spock had been surprised for it had been much stronger than the mind meld. The mental images had seemed so real that it was as if he and Kirk had been living in another dimension. Spock closed his eyes and recalled one of the more poignant memories. Kirk had stood before him laughing.

“Don’t be afraid, Spock,” Kirk laughed, “Follow me.”

Spock raised an eyebrow. “I am not afraid, Captain. Fear is a human emotion.”

A smile quirked on Kirk’s lips as he replied, “Of course, Spock.”

Spock had reluctantly followed Kirk as he ran in front of him and pointed, “Look there’s me as a child,” Kirk sighed. “My childhood was not a happy one.”

Kirk and Spock watched as a small boy clinched his fists to his side. In vain he tried to control his anger, as an older boy pushed his shoulder.

“Come on, Jimmy, admit it. Your father doesn’t care about you anymore than mine does for me. He’s gone away in space and he probably has a girl in every port.”

That did it. Kirk summoned up all his pent-up frustrations and smashed his fist into the soft flesh of the boy’s face. Together they went down punching, gouging, and throwing dirt. The other boys gathered around cheering. A good fight was an age old preoccupation of school boys that Kirk indulged in with relish. Suddenly Kirk felt himself yanked into the air. “That will be enough James,” a firm voice commanded.

Blood ran from Kirk’s nose and mouth as he was escorted into a small, white room. A smiling, young nurse approached Kirk, “Well, jimmy, you’re here again. You’ve got to stay out of trouble, or you’ll be sent to military school.” Kirk hung his head as the nurse dabbed at the blood on his face. “I know how you feel. My father was away in space too and I too got made fun of and I like you I also lost my temper. However, as soon as I started to control my temper things got better.”

Kirk smiled into her blue eyes. “Thanks Sarah, by the way how did my tormentor fair?”

The nurse laughed. “He looked a lot worse than you.”

Kirk grinned. “Good.”  Kirk turned to face the door as it clicked open.

“Jimmy?” Kirk’s smile faded when he saw his mother’s worried face. “Oh honey, you look awful.” Kirk’s mother whispered as she searched Kirk’s face for damage.

The nurse sighed. “Well, Mrs. Kirk, at least he didn’t lose a tooth this time.”

Kirk’s mother smiled gratefully in the nurse’s direction. “Thank you, Sarah. I’ll take him home now.”

Together Kirk and his mother walked out into the sunlight. Kirk looked down and scuffed his feet in the dirt. “I’m sorry mom.”

Kirk’s mother slowed her stride. “I know, Jimmy.”

Kirk shook his head. “Mom, you don’t know. That boy insulted dad and you too.”

Kirk’s mother smiled. “Jimmy, you’ve got to learn to curb that temper of yours. After all a star-ship Captain has to maintain discipline at all times.”

Kirk stared at his mom. “You read my essay?”

Kirk’s mother nodded. “Your teacher showed it to me. It was very good.”

Kirk grabbed his mother’s hand. “You’re not hurt, or surprised that I want to go into space are you?”

Kirk’s mother smiled. “No, I’m not hurt or surprised.”

Kirk grinned up at her. It was his father’s grin. “I’m glad mom. I never ever want to hurt anyone, especially you.” Kirk said as he smiled into the eyes of his mother that were full of unconditional love. Tears rose up in young Kirk’s eyes, though he hardly knew why.

 


	14. Three Friends

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> McCoy gasped when he saw Kirk and Spock lying in a drift of freshly fallen snow, even though they appeared to be asleep, McCoy felt fear clutch at his heart. They both were so pale and still. They looked like children that had just lain down for a nap. Kirk’s head rested peacefully in the nook of Spock’s arm. Spock’s head dropped down on his chest and his eyes were closed in restful sleep, as snow flurries blew about them both.  
> McCoy ran, sliding sideways through the slippery snow. “Oh God, “he prayed, “Please don’t let me be too late.” McCoy reached Spock first and took his cold wrist in his hand. “Spock,” McCoy rasped as he searched for a pulse, “Spock, can you hear me?” McCoy shouted.

The scene disappeared and Kirk stood before Spock. “Spock, you can break the telepathic bond if you want to,” Kirk said softly.

When Spock didn’t answer he could feel Kirk’s essence dissipating as Kirk shimmered from view. “No, wait. I consent to take place in the bond,” Spock shouted. For a moment nothing happened and then Kirk’s figure once more materialized beside Spock. They both looked at each other as another scene appeared. The terrain was harsh and Kirk racked his memory for the reddish rocks looked somewhat familiar to him. “It’s Vulcan,” Spock whispered in Kirk’s mind. “Look there I am as a boy, Jim.”

A small Vulcan boy stood surrounded by several children as they taunted him. “He is half-human, so let’s make him cry again.” Another grabbed Spock’s thin arm, “Come on half-breed lose your temper like last time.”

Young Spock turned and walked away with his fists clenched at his side. No emotion showed on his chiseled features as he walked home alone in Vulcan’s torrential heat.

Amanda watched her son as he quietly entered the sparse living room. “He was home early, which wasn’t a good sign,” Amanda thought as she asked Spock,” Spock, you’re home early. Is anything wrong, did…did something happen?”

The young Spock cocked his head to one side. “What do you mean is anything wrong, mother?”

Amanda sighed. Vulcan’s were so literal, so much so that Amanda wanted to scream. “Spock, are you not feeling well? In other words why are you home so early?”

A light of recognition lit up Spock’s eyes, “I see what you mean now. Mother, you must learn to be more direct. No, I am not ill. My school mates were making derogatory remarks about my heritage again. It was not a situation which was conducive to learning, so I came home.”

Spock’s resigned stoicism made Amanda want to hold her son close, instead she just smiled. “Perhaps, you would like to work on your equations until your father comes home.”

Spock hesitated. “Mother, would you please tell me about the inhabitants on earth?” Spock asked as his brown eyes looked into his Mother’s blue ones.

Amanda winced at Spock’s term inhabitants, but inwardly she smiled, for Spock was asking her to tell him a story. “Would you like to hear about the three illogical pigs?”

Spock shook his head and for a moment Amanda feared that her son really wanted a scientific earth history lesson. It was not that she couldn’t comply, but she had taught all day and now she just wanted to be Spock’s mother.

Spock’s bright eyes shone with excitement, though no one else but Amanda could tell what lay in the depths of Spock’s expressions. “I would like to hear the story about the three illogical musketeers…”

Amanda hid a smile as she gracefully walked across the room and plucked a thin volume from a crowded book shelf. Amanda loved her books; she knew it would have been more efficient to have them all on one data disc; however she loved the feel of a book in her hands. As she and Spock made their way to his room, Spock fought the urge to hold tightly on to his mother’s hand. Once in his room Spock lay down on his bed and closed his eyes, as his mother’s soothing voice filled the room. Spock looked out his window as she read. Stars had begun to appear in the darkening, blood-red sky and as Spock gazed at three stars which shone brightly in a row, Spock dreamed. He did not dream of reality as most Vulcan’s did, instead he dreamed of starships and the swash buckling friends that would help him explore the unknown regions of space.

Kirk felt Spock’s childhood pain; it was similar to his own. Another image shimmered into view. It was an image of a young, proud James T. Kirk standing before his mother.

“Oh Jim, I am so proud of you, it is a shame that your father is on a mission I know he wouldn’t have missed this for the world.”

Kirk looked down at his mother and smiled sadly,” And yet he did.”

Kirk’s mother ignored Kirk’s sarcasm and continued on as if he had not spoken, “The youngest ever to become a starship Captain.” Kirk’s mother said as he hugged him. “I love you son and I’ll always be there if you need me.”

Kirk hugged his mother back, knowing that her promise was one that couldn’t be guaranteed. His childhood nightmares of his dad’s ship being blown up by a hideous ship with black tentacles were always a reminder that evil dreams could come true as well. Kirk shivered and hugged his mom tighter and then Kirk wrenched himself away and bounded off to celebrate with his friends, not noticing the tears that ran down his mother’s face. Kirk looked at the images before him with sadness. “How could I have been so insensitive?” Kirk mused aloud.  Before Spock could reply another image appeared. Kirk smiled He’d recognized that scene anywhere, for it was a star-fleet graduation ceremony, or rather the end of one.

Young cadets whooped and hollered as they hugged family and friends. A young Vulcan cadet stood off alone to the side watching the proceedings with what appeared to be disinterest. His solitary figure cast shadows along the ground.

Kirk stood before Spock, “We’ve both had our lonely times, Spock. I guess we always will,” Kirk said as he grasped Spock’s hands in friendship. “Spock, I hate to leave you, but I have to go. I am so, so tired. I’m sorry my friend, my brother, live long and prosper and good-bye.” Kirk smiled at Spock with a sad, lop-sided grin and then disappeared. Spock stood alone in a black, soundless void. Spock felt as if his body was weightless drifting through space and then he was jarred harshly back into reality by the sound of Kirk’s labored breathing. Snow had begun to fall. It swirled unnaturally around Spock’s face as it fell on his bare shoulders.

McCoy gasped when he saw Kirk and Spock lying in a drift of freshly fallen snow, even though they appeared to be asleep, McCoy felt fear clutch at his heart.  They both were so pale and still. They looked like children that had just lain down for a nap. Kirk’s head rested peacefully in the nook of Spock’s arm. Spock’s head dropped down on his chest and his eyes were closed in restful sleep, as snow flurries blew about them both.

McCoy ran, sliding sideways through the slippery snow. “Oh God, “he prayed, “Please don’t let me be too late.” McCoy reached Spock first and took his cold wrist in his hand. “Spock,” McCoy rasped as he searched for a pulse, “Spock, can you hear me?” McCoy shouted.

Spock could hear McCoy, but just couldn’t open his eyes. “Doctor McCoy is going to be irritated with me, “Spock thought as he ignored McCoy’s frantic cries and then sank into a warm, darkness where he couldn’t hear anything

“Doctor McCoy,” a voice echoed, “Your Spock and Kirk have performed with courage and emotion. You will all be returned to the Enterprise, you have fulfilled the service that we sought from you, and you are free to go.”

McCoy stood up and shouted, “What the hell do you mean by our service is completed? What is this some kind of space jury duty from hell? What gives you the right to make a living creature, human or otherwise, want to give up his or her own life because of past decisions? You have no right to crush the spirit of an individual through fear and guilt. You have no right to drudge up painful emotions, which are destructive. The spirit of the individual needs to be free and not controlled,” McCoy shouted out to the emptiness around him. With dread McCoy knelt down beside Kirk, he seen death enough times to know a dying person when he saw one, and there was no doubt it, Kirk was dying. McCoy didn’t bother to brush the tears away that fell from his eyes, “Damn you, damn you all to hell,” McCoy cried out as he held Kirk in his arms and then McCoy felt a dizziness overcome him. He gritted his teeth as the black; numbness of the Talvivian transporter beam over took him.

 

 


	15. Stars,Hope,Devastation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was hours later when McCoy medically acknowledged he’d done all he could for Jim-his Captain and friend. Wearily he passed a hand over his eyes. “Well, Nurse, we’ve done all we can. The rest is up to Jim. In the meantime, suppose we go and check on how our pointed-eared hob goblin is doing.”  
> Nurse Chapel gave McCoy a brave smile. “Lead on, Doctor.”  
> “How strange the human race is,” McCoy thought. “Sometimes we have to joke just to keep our sanity,” he thought as he gazed back at Kirk’s fluctuating pulse readings. “Come on, Jim,” he whispered.

Nurse Chapel studied the medical readings above Robin’s head.  “It looks like you’re going to be fine, Robin,” Nurse Chapel said as she patted Robin’s hand.

A team of medics suddenly rushed by, as Robin propped her head up on a pillow. “What’s going on?” She asked fearfully.

“Nothing for you to worry about,” Nurse Chapel replied evasively.

A few moments later the medics rushed in with two stretchers, as McCoy barked out orders. His face was haggard and drawn and Nurse Chapel was almost afraid to join his side. Her professional training did not prepare her for what she saw. Kirk lay on one of the stretchers and his face was a white-drained of color. McCoy supported his head, while one of the medics held an oxygen mask over his face. As if that wasn’t horrific enough, Nurse Chapel looked over and saw Spock’s unmoving body on the other stretcher.

McCoy grabbed Nurse Chapel’s arm with his free hand. “Nurse, Chapel, I need assistance. Get Doctor M’Benga in here on the double.”

Nurse Chapel nodded as her medical training overtook her shock. “Yes, Doctor,” she answered.

Gingerly the medics lay Kirk on a bed. Nurse Chapel came and stood beside Doctor McCoy, as he glared at the instrument readings above Kirk’s bed.

“His pressure is dropping,” Nurse Chapel stated flatly trying to keep the emotion out of her voice.

“Damn it, Nurse, I can read,” McCoy snapped and then swallowed. “I’m sorry, Christine.” McCoy said as he peered at the fleshy tissues of Kirk’s wound. “The internal damage is so severe that it’s a miracle he’s even alive.” McCoy sighed as he braced his arms against Kirk’s bed. His watery eyes met Nurse Chapel’s as he spoke softly,” He needs surgery, but it’s going to be tricky and even then I don’t know if we can save him or not.”

“Doctor, perhaps, we should begin then,” Nurse Chapel said softly.

McCoy straightened up and nodded curtly, “Of course, let’s begin.”

It was hours later when McCoy medically acknowledged he’d done all he could for Jim-his Captain and friend. Wearily he passed a hand over his eyes. “Well, Nurse, we’ve done all we can. The rest is up to Jim. In the meantime, suppose we go and check on how our pointed-eared hob goblin is doing.”

Nurse Chapel gave McCoy a brave smile. “Lead on, Doctor.”

“How strange the human race is,” McCoy thought. “Sometimes we have to joke just to keep our sanity,” he thought as he gazed back at Kirk’s fluctuating pulse readings. “Come on, Jim,” he whispered.

Doctor M’Benga leaned over Spock’s resting form and then turned around as McCoy and Nurse Chapel entered the room.

“Well, how is he?” McCoy growled.

Doctor M’Benga smiled. “He’s going to be fine and except for his frost bitten ears he is going to be as good as new.”

At any other time McCoy would have laughed at the thought of Spock having frost-bit ears, but now all he could do was nod. “Well, you know what they say? You can’t keep a good Vulcan down.”

Doctor M’Benga came around the edge of the bed and stood next to McCoy. “Don’t let him fool you; Mister Spock was in severe shock when he was brought in.”

McCoy looked puzzled. “Well, he couldn’t have been in shock from the cold, for he wasn’t out there that long.”

M’Benga shook his head. “It wasn’t entirely due to the cold. It was almost as if Mister Spock went through a prolonged mind-meld.”

McCoy raised his eyebrows. “Well, let me know when he regains consciousness I’ll be in my office.” McCoy glanced over at Nurse Chapel, “We’re officially off-duty. Would you care to join me for a brandy? For medicinal purposes of course.”

Nurse Chapel feigned a look of horror, and then smiled. “I’d love to, Doctor.”

Robin winced as she sat up in bed. A sharp pain shot through her head as she cautiously put her feet on the floor. The room whirled around as Robin took a few hesitant steps towards McCoy’s office. As she wobbled towards the door Nurse Chapel and McCoy stood just outside on the entrance to McCoy’s office. McCoy shook his head,”Christine, I can barely stand it. Jim’s dying and there’s not a damn thing I can do about it.” For a moment neither of them noticed Robin and then McCoy saw her. “Young lady, what are doing out of bed?” McCoy scolded.

Robin looked up at McCoy and her face was grief stricken. “Bones, is it true that the Captain is dying?”

“That’s none of your concern,” McCoy snapped.

Robin’s bottom lip trembled. “I’ve got to see him, please.”

McCoy gently put his hands on Robin’s shoulders. “I think it would be better if you rested.”

Robin sank to the floor and began to cry. “Please, Bones, please Doctor McCoy, I’ve got to see him.”

McCoy sighed. “Well, it’s obvious you’re not going to rest until I do. Besides I can’t bear to see a lady cry.”

Robin gripped McCoy’s hand tightly and McCoy could feel her tension as they stood beside Kirk’s bed. A stale, silence dominated the atmosphere of the room. The only penetrating sound was the pulse indicator above Kirk’s head. Robin slowly approached the side of the bed and McCoy watched as she looked down at Kirk. “Well, I’ll be damned,” he whispered as he silently motioned for Nurse Chapel to follow him. Once outside of Robin’s hearing, McCoy gripped Nurse Chapel’s shoulders. “Nurse Chapel, pull the medical charts of Robin’s parents and the Captain’s.”

Nurse Chapel looked puzzled. “Doctor?”

“You heard me now go,” McCoy ordered.

Nurse Chapel pursed her lips. “Yes, sir.”

A grin broadened McCoy’s features. “I’ve been so blind,” he thought.

Robin smoothed back a wet lock of hair from Kirk’s sweat, soaked forehead. “Please don’t die,” she whispered. Robin turned to find McCoy watching her and his look of sorrow matched her own. “Doctor McCoy, could I play my Vulcan flute for the Captain?”

“Sure, honey, I don’t see how it could hurt. God knows he’s beyond my powers now.” McCoy whispered.

A few moments later McCoy came back with Robin’s flute.  The Vulcan flute was not very different from earth’s flute and as she began to play, “The Last Rose of Summer,” McCoy could feel his eyes filling with tears. The haunting melody echoed with beauty and sadness, so much so that McCoy didn’t care as tears ran down his cheeks, for he had held himself in check for too long. McCoy jumped as Doctor M’Benga laid a hand on his shoulder. He then quickly brushed the tears from his eyes. ”Damn sinuses,” McCoy muttered.

Doctor M’Benga nodded in understanding. “Doctor, McCoy I’m sorry to disturb you, but Mister Spock as regained consciousness and he’s asking for you.”

McCoy took a deep breath. “Tell him I’ll be there in a minute. The moment McCoy dreaded had come for it was time to face Spock.

As McCoy walked over to Spock’s bedside, he had to restrain the impulse to laugh at Spock’s frost bitten ears. “Well, Spock how are you feeling?”

Spock raised an eyebrow. “I am quite well, Doctor.”

“Spock,” McCoy began awkwardly, “I’m sure you want to know how the Captain is.”

Spock avoided McCoy’s eyes. “Yes, I am most concerned for his welfare.”

McCoy focused his eyes on a point above Spock’s head. “I’ve done all I can for him, Spock. I don’t think he’s going to make it.” McCoy didn’t bother to brush away the tear that slid down his cheek. Spock stared off into the distance, as if he hadn’t heard. He then looked directly into McCoy’s tear filled eyes. Undisguised pain shown in Spock’s expression and for the first time McCoy realized how difficult life must be for Spock.

Tears flowed freely down McCoy’s cheeks as Spock laid a hand on his arm. “You’ve done all you can,” Spock said gently.

McCoy nodded his head. He would always remember this moment. The feel of  Spock’s dry, crisp hand, the ghostly sound of Robin’s flute and the pain in Spock’s eyes that must be a reflection of his own devastation.

McCoy left Spock’s side and wandered through sick-bay in a daze. He longed to be alone for Spock’s brief show of compassion had undone him. A few hours later McCoy breathed a sigh of relief, for he was finally off-duty. Instead of going to his quarters McCoy went to the observation deck. Though the stars appeared to be standing sill, McCoy knew they were rushing by. It was a beautiful and terrifying sight for it only served to remind McCoy of the frailty of human life. McCoy thought for a moment and then smiled as he remembered the first time he had met James Kirk. Kirk had been brought in on a stretcher with a shattered knee-cap and there was some speculation as to whether he’d walk again. Jim had proved to be a terrible patient, but eventually he walked again. “Yes, Jim Kirk was a courageous man,” McCoy thought and then angrily cursed himself, “Damn you, McCoy, Jim’s not dead yet.  “Jim, you have to live,” McCoy thought as he quickly ran away from the observation deck, causing several crew members to stare after him.

 


	16. Time Levels

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Spock was suddenly assailed with images from the house of mirrors. The images were confusing, a starship being attacked by another ship that looked like an evil spider, Vulcan gone, Kirk’s father gone as a young man, Kirk alone, a red car as it flew over a cliff, Uhura looked at Spock with love, Christopher Pike shot dying, the ship’s dead, she’s dead, sir, Scotty wailed, Kirk dead for the Enterprise and her crew, Spock screamed KAHN, Kirk back safe in an unknown hospital bed. A scream pierced through the tunnel and Spock was never sure whether it was his own or Kirk’s. The images floated away as he and Kirk drifted through time like small toy boats on a black, vast sea. Then darkness descended upon him and Spock knew no more.

McCoy ran breathless into sick-bay and marched to the bed where Kirk lay. Ignoring the erratic pulse readings McCoy grasped Kirk’s arm. “Jim, I know you’ve been through hell, but it’s time to come back now. If you die, who will command the Enterprise? Spock, will only assume temporary command.”  McCoy took Kirk’s hand in his own, “Jim, you’ve got so much to live for. Nothing that’s happened in the past can change that.” McCoy glanced up quickly as Spock quietly approached.  “Spock, what are you doing out of bed?” McCoy snapped.

Spock replied calmly, “I am ready to resume my duties, Doctor.”

McCoy glared at Spock in consternation, “I’m sure you are, but I’m not releasing you for duty yet.”

Spock raised an eyebrow, “Doctor, I’m sure that if you examine me you will find I am fit for duty.”

McCoy nodded his head in defeat, “I’m sure you are fit for duty. You’ve probably healed yourself with some kind of Vulcan Hocus Pocus.”

Spock cocked his head to one side, “Hocus Pocus? Really Doctor.”

They both fell silent as Kirk’s pulse indicator fluctuated rapidly. McCoy glanced over at Spock, “If Jim doesn’t regain consciousness soon he will die. He’s been in worse shape before, but I’ve never seen him like this. It’s almost as if those terrible images still torment him. I don’t know…perhaps he’s just tired…tired of fighting the crap that gets thrown on all of us in life.”

Spock ignored McCoy’s use of the word crap and softy answered, “Doctor that is a distinct possibility.”

McCoy whirled around to face Spock. “How can you talk about this so dispassionately? Jim is your friend.”

Spock drew in his breath and clasped his hands behind his back. The look of pain that flashed across Spock’s face made McCoy regret he had said anything. “Doctor, have you forgotten that I lived the images with Jim. They were almost too much to bear and I am a Vulcan.”

McCoy looked away, “I’m sorry, Spock. It’s just that I can’t even fathom the possibility of Jim dying.”

“Doctor, Jim is not dead yet, and there are always possibilities. Perhaps, I should attempt the mind-meld.” Spock said thoughtfully.

McCoy shook his head, “I’m sorry, Spock. It’s too risky and in Jim’s condition his mind could destroy you both.”

“I’m willing to take the risk, Doctor,” Spock answered quietly.

McCoy glared at Spock, “Well, I’m not willing to lose both of you.” McCoy walked to the edge of Kirk’s bed. “He’s so far gone, Spock. I don’t really think that the mind-meld would do any good. I don’t think there’s anything left to reach.” McCoy’s voice trailed off miserably.

Nurse Chapel quietly approached McCoy and Spock, “Doctor, I have the data disks that you requested.”

McCoy looked confused for a moment as he absent mindedly took the disks from Nurse Chapel’s hand. “Thank you, Christine; I’ll be in my office.”

Nurse Chapel and Spock stood in silence as they both looked down at Kirk. Nurse Chapel eyed the pulse monitor uneasily as it began to erratically waver up and down.  It seemed to fight valiantly and then dropped. Nurse Chapel gasped and ran over to a wall signal. “Doctor McCoy, we have a code blue emergency, Kirk’s heart has stopped.” She shouted.

McCoy shoved the medical disks off his desk and said a small prayer as he broke into an adrenalin fueled run. The once silent room where Kirk lay was now filled with medics. “Get a cardio-vascular stimulator on him, now,” McCoy shouted.

“It’s already been done, Doctor,” Nurse Chapel replied with a calmness she didn’t feel.

McCoy pushed his way through the team to Kirk’s head. As Nurse Chapel read off the readings above Kirk’s bed, it seemed to McCoy that Nurse Chapel’s voice was coming at him from far away. “Systolic pressure 110, diastolic pressure 70. Pressure dropping 80 over 60.”

Spock stood beside McCoy, his body a pillar of strength to McCoy’s sagging grief ridden posture. “Doctor, please let me attempt the mind-meld.”

Nurse Chapel’s voice blared into McCoy’s already tormented overwhelmed mind, “Pressure stabilized 90 over 50.”

McCoy looked up and Spock and moved aside, “Do what you can, Spock.”

Spock stepped forward and placed his fingers on Kirk’s temples. Instead of feeling the familiar warmth of Kirk’s essence, Spock only felt emptiness. “Jim?” Spock called out mentally. His voice drowned in a cold, black, void, yet Spock sensed a faint presence. “Perhaps, it was not too, late,” Spock thought hopefully. For a time Spock felt himself drift through the void of Kirk’s consciousness. Then Spock felt himself being drawn down into a beautiful tunnel of light and he heard voices, “You can do better. Let’s call him, Jim.  Jimmy, come home, it’s me dad and your brother Sam too. Jim, it’s me, Edith. Come home to me. YOU CAN DO BETTER.”

Then for the first time Spock felt Kirk’s essence strongly. “Home,” Kirk whispered within the shadows of his mind, “I’m going home.”

“Jim,” Spock’s voice echoed through the vast tunnel that was Kirk’s mind.

“Spock, is that really you?” Kirk asked hopefully.

“Yes, Jim, it is Spock,” Spock calmly replied.

“Spock,” Kirk called out joyfully, for he couldn’t hide his enthusiasm. “Is it really you?”

Spock was about to answer when he suddenly found himself face to face with Kirk, the friendship that shown in Kirk’s eyes was mirrored in his own dark eyes. Kirk grabbed Spock’s shoulders. “Spock, let’s go home. Let’s go home together.”

Spock felt a wave of contentment sweep over him. He had never felt this way before, for all pain and loneliness had disappeared. Kirk laughed. “Come on, Spock let’s go.” Kirk called out as he bounded ahead of Spock.

For a moment Spock followed him and then stopped. “Captain, we must go back.”

“No, I’m not going back. I’m tired; Spock and I need a rest. Spock, I want to go home.” Kirk said wearily.

“Captain, it is not time for you to go. Come home to the Enterprise,” Spock answered, almost pleading.

“Spock, I don’t have the will. I don’t have the strength. James T. Kirk is finished.” Kirk said firmly.

“No, James T. Kirk is not finished,” Spock demanded harshly. “Jim, come back, for I have the strength to bring us both home to the Enterprise.”

Kirk smiled sadly at Spock,”It is too much to bear, Spock. You cannot carry us both back.”

“Trust me, Jim. Your thoughts are mine. Your pain is mine. We are one and together we shall go back to the Enterprise-home.”

The tunnel of light grew brighter as Spock felt the mind-meld weakening.

“Spock,” Kirk shouted, “Take me home. Take me home to the Enterprise.”

Spock was suddenly assailed with images from the house of mirrors. The images were confusing, a starship being attacked by another ship that looked like an evil spider, Vulcan gone, Kirk’s father gone as a young man, Kirk alone, a red car as it flew over a cliff, Uhura looked at Spock with love, Christopher Pike shot dying, the ship’s dead, she’s dead, sir, Scotty wailed, Kirk dead for the Enterprise and her crew, Spock screamed KAHN, Kirk back safe in an unknown hospital bed. A scream pierced through the tunnel and Spock was never sure whether it was his own or Kirk’s. The images floated away as he and Kirk drifted through time like small toy boats on a black, vast sea. Then darkness descended upon him and Spock knew no more.

“Spock, Spock, can you hear me?” Spock gasped and opened his eyes as McCoy bent over him. “Spock, are you alright?”

Spock rubbed his temples and sat up. “Yes, Doctor, I am quite well.”

McCoy was just about to come back with an acid reply when suddenly Kirk’s pulse readings went wild. Kirk thrashed back and forth as he fought for life and then his eyes flew open.

“Spock,” Kirk gasped as he took a deep breath.

McCoy helped Spock to his feet. “I’m here, Jim,” Spock replied.

Kirk’s smile was weak. “Bones?”

McCoy stepped forward. “I’m here too, Jim.”

Kirk grasped Spock’s hand. Matted clumps of hair stuck to his forehead, as sweat poured down his face. “It the Enterprise, well? Is the crew safe? Am I home?”

Spock gripped Kirk’s hand tightly. “The Enterprise is well and the crew is safe, Jim.”

Kirk smiled as the medics broke into a cheer. McCoy whirled Nurse Chapel around in a dance and everybody started hugging everyone else. Through the noise Spock and Kirk remained calm. For a moment they basked in undisguised friendship. Time stood still, and then resumed her normal course.

 

 


	17. Connections

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kirk nodded as he watched her go with an ache in his throat, for he felt like he was back in the house of mirrors. Despair washed over him and Kirk felt so alone. Kirk was about to indulge in a massive dose of self-pity, when as if by some magic summons, Spock came through the door.  
> “Spock,” Kirk said as his eyes lit up at the sight of his Vulcan First Officer-his friend.  
> “Captain, how are you feeling?” Spock asked as if nothing had happened over the past few days.  
> Kirk sighed and looked away. “Terrible,” he replied.   
> “Jim,” Spock said softly, “It will take time to heal.”

Tatiana stretched out on her bed and tried to relax. When her wall buzzer sounded, she bounded out of bed with relief. “Come in,” she called.

Uhura stepped in and smiled warmly. “Hi, I was just going to stop by sick-bay and see how the Captain is doing. I thought you might want to come along.”

Tatiana ran her fingers through her normally tidy hair. “I don’t know if I’m up to that, Uhura.”

Uhura paused and looked directly at Tatiana, “Tatiana, I don’t want to pry, but I really think you ought to go and see him. Our Captain may be many things, but deep down inside he’s an honest man. Plus he’ll be angry when he finds out you’ve applied for a transfer.”

Uhura smiled slyly as Tatiana sighed and shook her head.”You all really look after each other, don’t you?”

Uhura laughed. “I’m not in communications for nothing.”

“Uhuran, there’s so many things I wish I could tell you, but I can’t talk about them right now. I just can’t stay aboard the Enterprise. Besides deep down inside I miss doing research on Vulcan. I guess I’m just a land-lubber at heart.”

Uhura nodded her head in sympathy. “I understand, Tatiana.”

For a moment an uncomfortable silence filled the room and then Uhura spoke,”Tatiana, you must see the Captain before you leave. You’ll never forgive yourself if you don’t.”

Tatiana took a breath,”Let’s go before I change my mind.”

Kirk sat up in bed going the ship’s logs. “Bones,” Kirk roared, “What’s this about a couple of children taking over my ship?”

McCoy scowled. “How should I know? I’m a Doctor not a log entry specialist. You shouldn’t be going over those anyway. You need to rest,” McCoy said as he snatched the log data tablet out of Kirk’s hands.

Kirk’s face resumed an innocent express. “I am resting, Bones.”

Tatiana stood with Uhura just outside of sick-bay. “Uhura, I’m terrified. I think…”

Uhura glared back at Tatiana,” You can’t turn back now.” She said firmly.

Nothing could have prepared Tatiana for Kirk’s appearance. He sat up in bed reading another log entry tablet that he had hidden from Doctor McCoy and frowned over the log entries. His hair hung about his pale, gaunt face in dull untidy clumps. Only his hazel eyes seemed alive. Sensing Tatiana’s presence he glanced up.

“Well, I’ve got something to discuss with Doctor McCoy. I’ll be back in a little bit,” Uhura said brightly.

Tatiana gave Uhura a horrified glare as she left the room. Tatiana cleared her throat and her heart flip flopped as she turned towards Kirk’s smiling face. His smile was so genuine-open, so James T. Kirk. “Hello Lieutenant.” Kirk said softly.

Tatiana stepped further into the room,”Hello, Captain…Jim” Tatiana clasped her hands behind her back to keep them from trembling. Kirk put the data log entry tablet down and motioned for her to come closer. As if in a trance, Tatiana walked slowly over and stood beside him. Kirk’s searching eyes looked up at her. Dark circles rimmed his eyes and untidy beard stubble covered his face. Slowly, as if in a trance himself, Kirk reached for her hand.

“Tatiana,” Kirk said softly rolling the syllables slowly over his tongue. I’m so glad you came, for there’s so much I want to say. I want to apologize for my behavior first of all, but then I guess Doctor McCoy already told you that I was under an alien influence. I guess you were too. Still there was no excuse for…” Kirk’s voice drifted away in a helpless silence. Tears poured down Tatiana’s face, as Kirk reached his hand up and brushed them away. “It’s alright, everything’s going to be alright,” Kirk soothed.

“Jim, I thought you were going to die,” Tatiana sobbed.

Kirk gave her a lop-sided grin. “You don’t have much faith in me, do you? Now I want you to stop crying, Lieutenant, that’s a direct order. After all you’re supposed to come and cheer me up, not the other way around. Tatiana, there’s so much I want to say. I was confronted with the reality of who I was and am. It was devastating, I’ve hurt so many people, and I never meant to.”

Tatiana nodded her head. “I know, Jim.”

Kirk looked up and searched her face. “What is it? Oh God, you’re leaving, aren’t you?”

Tatiana took Kirk’s hand and put it to her cheek. “Yes, I have to. I’m just not suited to space travel, I miss my research on Vulcan.”

Kirk smiled sadly. “I supposed it’s for the best. I was never meant to settle down and have a family, like most people.”

“Jim, you were meant to explore the stars. A house with a white picket fence wouldn’t suit you. You’d go stark raving mad.”

Kirk chuckled and stared off into the distance, ”Yes, I suppose so.”

Tatiana put her arms around Kirk and held him tight. She could feel his heart beating against her breast and for a moment its physical movement excluded all else. Finally, Tatiana pulled away and examined Kirk’s solemn face. “You look awful. Get some rest James T. Kirk and explore the stars. It has always been your destiny.” She then bent down and kissed him on the cheek. “Good-bye, Jim.”

Kirk pulled her back in his grasp and kissed her long and slow, his tongue gently, yet firmly entwining around hers. “Tatiana, please don’t go. We will work something out.”

Tatiana pulled away and nodded her head silently and then she stopped and looked back,”Captain, come and say good-bye to me tonight, please just one more time.”

Kirk nodded as he watched her go with an ache in his throat, for he felt like he was back in the house of mirrors. Despair washed over him and Kirk felt so alone.  Kirk was about to indulge in a massive dose of self-pity, when as if by some magic summons, Spock came through the door.

“Spock,” Kirk said as his eyes lit up at the sight of his Vulcan First Officer-his friend.

“Captain, how are you feeling?” Spock asked as if nothing had happened over the past few days.

Kirk sighed and looked away. “Terrible,” he replied.  

“Jim,” Spock said softly, “It will take time to heal.”

For a moment Kirk looked like an aged man beyond his years. “I don’t think I will ever be the same, Spock.”

“Captain, none of us will ever be the same, for all of our bodies are decaying second by second.” Spock said.

“I thought you were supposed to cheer me up. What is it with my visitors today?” Kirk asked morbidly.

Kirk was distracted from his morbid musings when McCoy came in the room followed by Uhura. “Jim, McCoy began,” if you’re going to have female visitors you’re going to have to groom yourself. In other words, it’s time for a shave and a haircut.”

Kirk shrugged,”Alright, Bones, I surrender, although I did want to see myself with a full beard.”

McCoy grimaced, “You’d look terrible, Jim, just as terrible as that pointed eared hob-goblin, Spock,” McCoy said as he gestured towards Spock.

Spock’s placid expression didn’t alter, as Kirk laughed and then hung his head down in mock defeat.

Robin swam several laps in the recreation swimming pool, under the wary eye of two security officers. It felt good to finally get some exercise. After a few more laps, Robin reluctantly climbed out of the pool and got dressed in the changing room. Then just like clock-work she was escorted to sick-bay. Winston bounded toward her as she entered the room, “Robin, Mister Spock wants to talk to us in Doctor McCoy’s office. I think we’ve had it.”

Robin shrugged, “I really don’t care, Winston.”

Mister Spock’s austere presence was usually enough to frighten any child, however, Robin met his stare directly and it was Spock who looked away first and spoke. “I presume that you both are aware of the penalties for sabotaging a star-ship and attacking ship personal?”

Robin sighed and rolled her eyes as only a child can do. “Get to the point, Mister Spock.”

Spock raised an eyebrow. “Under the circumstances star-fleet is not pressing charges, however, you both will have to go through counseling sessions.”

Winston breathed a sigh of relief. “I thought we were going to have to spend the rest of our lives in a penal colony.”

Robin appeared to be bored by the whole conversation. “Mister Spock, if that is all, may we go now?”

Spock nodded his head. “Yes, you are dismissed.” As Winston and Robin turned to go Spock spoke, “Robin, I would like to discuss a matter of great importance with you.” Winston left the room with a reluctant backwards glance. “Robin, are you still considering citizenship to Vulcan?” Spock asked.

“No,” Robin replied flatly.

Spock sighed as his voice took on a less formal note, “May I ask why?”

“Mister, Spock, I should think that the reason would be obvious. Vulcan doesn’t look highly upon criminals.”

Spock nodded in agreement. “You are correct. Under normal circumstances, your citizenship would never be considered; however, I have been informed that yours is being reviewed as we speak.”

Robin’s eyes lit up, “Really, Mister Spock? That’s great.” Her smile faded as she asked Spock a question. “Mister Spock, I was wondering if you could tell me how the Captain is? Is he going to be okay?”

Spock tilted his head to one side. “He is recovering.”

Robin nodded her head in satisfaction. “Good.”

Spock stood up and walked towards Robin. “The Enterprise will reach Starbase 11 in a few hours. Are you certain that you do not wish to see the Captain?”

Robin bit her lower lip. “No, it’s better this way.”

Spock looked deep into her eyes. “Is Jim never to know?”

Robin turned away from Spock’s intense gaze, “I’ve written him a letter. I can’t face him now.”

Spock nodded his head in understanding and as Robin turned to leave she glanced back at Spock and held up her hand in the Vulcan salute. “Live long and prosper, Spock.”

Spock returned the gesture, “Live, long and prosper, Robin.” 


	18. When I Think on Thee Dear Friend...

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kirk wasn’t surprised when he walked onto the observation deck and saw Spock standing there with his hands clasped behind his back, even though Kirk couldn’t see his face, he could tell from Spock’s stance that he was troubled.  
> “Spock?” Kirk asked softly.  
> “Yes, Captain-Jim,” Spock answered back in his monotone voice.  
> “You seem troubled,” Kirk said as he and Spock watched the stars outside, even though they appeared to be stationary, Kirk knew they were rushing by at an incredible speed.  
> Spock sighed and turned around to face Kirk, “I am somewhat perplexed by the images you and I experienced in the house of mirrors, particularly, by the destruction of Vulcan.”  
> Kirk nodded, “I know, but Spock they were just images of our fears. They weren’t real.”  
> Spock didn’t answer Kirk, for how could he tell Jim, that he had a feeling that the images they saw were not illusions, but alternate realities.

Even though Spock’s face was calm on the outside, Spock wanted to scream on the inside.

“Spock, we’ve got to tell him,” McCoy snapped as he rounded on Spock like a monkey on a cupcake. “Well?” McCoy asked again, eyes bulging.

Both of them were so engaged in their confrontation with each other that they failed to notice when Kirk entered the room. Kirk casually leaned up against the doorframe and examined his nail beds, as if had never seen then. McCoy jumped when he turned around and saw Kirk standing there. “How long have you been there?” McCoy snapped irritably, for he didn’t like it when people took him by surprise, it made him feel old and pokey.

Kirk looked up innocently, pushed himself off the doorway and took a step closer to McCoy and Spock, “Long enough to know you two have something to tell me.” Kirk said casually.

McCoy looked over at Spock, “You tell him.”

Spock looked bored, “Doctor, I will leave the honor to you.”

McCoy opened his mouth to say something, but Kirk cut him off, “For God’s sake, somebody better tell me now.”

McCoy sighed, “Jim, you better sit down.”

Kirk felt a feeling of dread ball up in his stomach as he sat down. McCoy looked at Jim and smiled, “Don’t worry, Jim, it’s good news.”

Kirk nodded and said, “Proceed.” And proceed McCoy did as he and Spock told him the story of his niece. After they were through, Kirk stared at them both in wonder. “Well, what are you two doing just standing around? Get her in her now.” Kirk said his voice full of excitement.

McCoy walked over to the intercom, “Security, please bring Robin to my office at once.”

Robin was packing her few meager belongings when a security officer entered the room. “Miss Kessler, Doctor McCoy wishes to see you right away.”

As Robin entered McCoy’s office, she didn’t see Kirk until Spock stepped away from the front of his chair. For a moment she stood frozen to the spot, for this was James T. Kirk, her uncle. Robin continued to stare, memorizing every feature, the gaunt cheekbones, the smiling hazel eyes, and the lock of unruly hair that hung over his forehead.

Kirk stared at the young girl in front of him, she had Sam’s eyes, his mother’s hair, and his father’s coloring.  Feeling overwhelmed and not knowing what to say, Kirk knelt down and held out his arms. Robin only hesitated a moment and then she ran to Kirk, burying her face against his chest. “It’s okay,” Kirk said as he gently smoothed down her hair.

McCoy motioned to Spock and they quietly left the room. Once outside of the room, McCoy sniffed. “Damn, sinuses.” McCoy said as he wiped a tear from his eye, waiting for Spock to make a smart ass comment. When none came McCoy looked over at Spock and was surprised to see that Spock’s eyes were watering as well. “I’ll be damned,” McCoy thought and was about to comment on Spock’s small display of emotion; however when he looked back Spock’s eyes were dry.

“What is it, Doctor?” Spock asked calmly.

McCoy opened his mouth, then shut it for just a moment as he and Spock  stood silently together.

Kirk and Robin talked and talked, sometimes interrupting each other with, “Hey, me too, and that’s where I get that, I hate pickles too, your favorite color is gold, mine too.” Kirk told Robin about her father and her half-brother Peter and Robin told Kirk about her mother. Kirk thanked Robin for attempting to rescue him and Robin told him how she and Winston had almost pulled off the sabotage of the Enterprise. When they had both talked themselves out Kirk put in a call to Starfleet, asking permission to take Robin and Winston, straight to Vulcan, instead of Starbase 11.

“Well, that’s settled. You and I have a few more days to get to know each other. Winston’s parents are both out on assignment, so he can go to Vulcan and they will pick him up there. How does all that sound?” Kirk asked.

After spending the day together Kirk and Robin were playing a game of chess and Kirk couldn’t help notice as Robin tried to stifle a yawn. “Hey, I’m a little tired. What do you say if we finish this game tomorrow?” Kirk asked.

Robin nodded sleepily and Kirk escorted her to sick-bay. Once she was settled down in her bed, Kirk looked down at her and lightly kissed her forehead. “Good night, Robin,” he whispered.

Robin grinned up at him, “Good night Uncle Kirk.”

Kirk looked down at Robin and swallowed down the lump in his throat, for she looked just like Sam. Unbidden Kirk heard Sam’s laughter as he remembered a long ago summer night, when he and Sam had sworn to take on the world, as firefly’s flew around they twirled and twirled until they were dizzy and fell to the ground in a heap. “So, long ago, and yet it seems as if it were yesterday,” Kirk thought as he made his way to the observation deck.

Kirk wasn’t surprised when he walked onto the observation deck and saw Spock standing there with his hands clasped behind his back, even though Kirk couldn’t see his face, he could tell from Spock’s stance that he was troubled.

“Spock?” Kirk asked softly.

“Yes, Captain-Jim,” Spock answered back in his monotone voice.

“You seem troubled,” Kirk said as he and Spock watched the stars outside, even though they appeared to be stationary, Kirk knew they were rushing by at an incredible speed.

Spock sighed and turned around to face Kirk, “I am somewhat perplexed by the images you and I experienced in the house of mirrors, particularly, by the destruction of Vulcan.”

Kirk nodded, “I know, but Spock they were just images of our fears. They weren’t real.”

Spock didn’t answer Kirk, for how could he tell Jim, that he had a feeling that the images they saw were not illusions, but alternate realities.

Kirk whistled as he made his way to his quarters and even though McCoy had only cleared him for light duty, Kirk was happy. He had just taken a shower and settled down in bed with a copy of, “Macbeth,” when his door bell chimed. “Come,” Kirk called and his eyes widened as the light from the hall illuminated Tatiana’s shape as she stood in the doorway. “God, does she have anything on under that garment?” Kirk thought as he beckoned her in. “I’m so sorry, well I had some pretty big news today and forgot you were coming. I have wonderful news.” Kirk told Tatiana about Robin and how proud he was of her and when he was finished he leaned back in Tatiana’s arms, as she ran her fingers through his hair. When she kissed him on the mouth, Kirk pulled away. “Tatiana, I have to be honest with you. You are so special to me, but I’m not even close to the point of making a long term commitment to well anyone, so I just wouldn’t feel right about…” Kirk’s voice trailed off as Tatiana slipped his shirt off and kissed his neck. For a few seconds Kirk just lay back and let Tatiana take the lead. His once cold cabin had become instantly warm, as Kirk hoarsely whispered, “Tatiana, did you hear a word I said?”

As Tatiana’s hands encircled his lower back, Kirk swallowed and gulped in large amounts of air. “Tatiana….”

She held a finger to her lips, as she moved her hands lower.

“Jesus, what am I, a piece of stone?” Kirk thought, as he slipped Tatiana’s dress off.

The next few days were like heaven for Kirk, for he remained on light duty, so he could spend more time with Robin, and more time with Tatiana by night and then all too soon the Enterprise was orbiting around Vulcan. It was time for good-bye’s once more.

Kirk felt as if someone had kicked him in the gut, as the transporter beam, took Tatiana, Robin and the rest of the survivors out of his sight in a tornado like swirl. Spock watched as well and felt physically ill, as he closed his eyes to shut out the vision of his mother being sucked down a gulley, the safe pull of the transport unable to rescue her. Science could not rescue her and neither could Spock. Kirk was so immersed in his own grief that he failed to notice Spock’s stricken posture as he hunched forward. His posture didn’t escape Uhura’s watchful eye, for she had been there to see Tatiana off. Hesitantly she made her way to Spock’s side, “Mister Spock, are you alright?”

Spock was about to answer, “yes”, in an “it’s none of your business tone”, when he changed his mind. “I am well, Lieutenant, thank you for asking. Perhaps, you would like to join me in a game of chess?”

Uhura’s eyes widened, “Yes, Mister Spock, I would like that very much.”

Spock’s heart beat a little faster as he looked at her, “There are always possibilities,” The half human part of Spock illogically hoped.

Epilogue

McCoy grumbled as he wiped a trickle of sweat from his brow. Kirk looked at him in sympathy. “Bones, are you sure you don’t want me to help carry the picnic basket?”

McCoy glared over at Kirk, “No, it’s part of the fun. Whose idea was this anyway?”

Spock looked at Doctor McCoy and actually smiled just a little,” I believe it was yours, Doctor. You said it would be…oh yes, fun.”

McCoy wanted to tell Spock where he could go, but instead just growled, “It is fun.”

Kirk ran up the grassy hill in front of them, “Hey, Bones, Spock, come here.”

Spock walked up the hill with ease, while McCoy huffed and strained.

“Look,” Kirk pointed, as McCoy and Spock looked to where Kirk pointed, for at the bottom of the grassy hillside there was a meadow.

McCoy sighed, “It’s beautiful, it reminds me of earth.”

Kirk laughed like a child, “You know when I was a kid, we used to roll down hills like these.”

McCoy smiled as he too remembered his childhood, “I used to too.”

A baffled look crossed Spock’s face. “Why would anyone intentionally roll down a hill?”

Kirk shrugged, “It was fun.”

Spock nodded his head,”Ah, yes, that explains it.”

A mischievous glint appeared in Kirk’s eyes. “I think I’ll show Spock just how fun it can be.”

McCoy grabbed Kirk’s arm. “Jim, don’t you dare. You are still recovering from…”

McCoy’s words went unheeded as Kirk ran and then rolled down the hill. McCoy ran after him shouting, “Jim, have you lost your mind, again?”

Halfway down the hill McCoy tripped and collided with Kirk. As they tumbled down the hill in a tangled heap, Kirk couldn’t stop laughing.

McCoy got his breath back and flushed angrily, “Jim, it’s not funny. You could have seriously been injured.”

Kirk sobered and then snickered at the image of Spock picking up the picnic basket and carrying it carefully down the hill.

McCoy laughed, “He’s carrying that picnic basket like it’s the Ark of the Covenant.”

Kirk nodded shaking with laughter. As Spock gingerly put down the basket, he looked at Kirk and McCoy in annoyance. “Gentlemen, if you are going to continue to…”

Kirk spread his hands in a surrendering gesture, “Spock, don’t worry, for Doctor McCoy and I are perfectly able to control ourselves.” Kirk nudged McCoy in the ribs. “Aren’t we, Bones?”

McCoy smothered a grin as he glanced away from Kirk’s smiling face. Kirk intently inspected the contest of the basket lest he burst into laughter again. “Well, gentleman, we have Saurian Brandy, chicken, a salad for Spock and…,” Kirk paused in amazement,” and we have fresh fruit. I thought fresh fruit was only available on the black market out here.”

Spock chewed innocently on a salad green. “It is, Captain.”

Kirk looked at McCoy with an inquiring glance. “Bones?”

McCoy frowned. “Well, Jim it’s …”

Kirk laughed as he bit into an apple. “Oh never mind, Bones, let’s just have a good time.” Kirk said as he poured three glasses of brandy and raised his glass. “Gentlemen, let’s drink a toast to the Enterprise. Long may she live.”

Spock sipped slowly on his brandy as if he were contemplating complex mathematical equations in his mind.

McCoy gestured his empty glass in Spock’s direction, “He always gets this way when he has a brandy.”

Kirk shrugged. “Well, Bones I guess it’s up to us to toast.”

McCoy raised his glass. “Let’s drink a toast to Captain James T. Kirk, the finest Captain in the fleet.”

Kirk downed his glass in one gulp, and then raised it in another toast to Doctor McCoy, “Let’s drink a toast to Doctor Leonard McCoy, the finest surgeon in the fleet.”

McCoy and Kirk downed their glasses in unison. McCoy suddenly looked distant, “We haven’t toasted Mister Spock.”

Kirk smacked his forehead with the heel of his palm. “Bones, how careless of us, here’s to Spock the finest science officer in the fleet.”  Kirk glanced sideways at McCoy. “You know it would be a shame not to toast Scotty, Uhura, and …”

“Captain,” Spock interrupted, “Why don’t you and the Doctor just toast all 430 crew members.”

Kirk held up his glass unsteadily. “That’s a good idea, Mister Spock. Bones, how about it? Bones?”

A loud snore came from McCoy’s direction. Kirk laughed and turned over on his back, twilight had descended quickly, one by one the starts had begun to show themselves-night prevailed. Kirk gazed at the dark, star-studded sky focusing on three stars that shone brightly in a row. He smiled. The last thing he heard before he drifted off to sleep was McCoy’s gentle snoring echoed by Spock’s strong, rhythmic breathing.

Sonnet XXX William Shakespeare

 

When to the sessions of sweet silent thought  
I summon up remembrance of things past,  
I sigh the lack of many a thing I sought,  
And with old woes new wail my dear time's waste:  
Then can I drown an eye, unused to flow,  
For precious friends hid in death's dateless night,  
And weep afresh love's long since cancell'd woe,  
And moan the expense of many a vanish'd sight:  
Then can I grieve at grievances foregone,  
And heavily from woe to woe tell o'er  
The sad account of fore-bemoaned moan,  
Which I new pay as if not paid before.  
But if the while I think on thee, dear friend,  
All losses are restored and sorrows end.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Code:bookworm


End file.
